31.8.04 | Customs and Traditions of English Pirates In The 17th Century
During my in-depth research into cultures in the 17th Century, i came across, as you do, the usual slang references of sea-faring terms...
Y'know, "Arr!"; "Shiver me timbers!"; "Splice the mainbrace!" "Offend the carrot!"
"Offend the carrot?" says you, disbelief registering firmly within your suspicious eyes. "Pshaw!"
"Arr" sez i. Knowingly, and suddenly producing and lighting a long wooden pipe in true Gandalf fashion. Wisdom and knowledge exude exotically from every pore of my being. Also there is a small winged cat perched comfortably on my shoulder. As if by magic. Don't ask about the cat though. No. Don't. Shhh. Pretend it's not there. ok? OK?!
"Arr" i sez again. "Ye may mock, but in the 1600's...
(small interjection here. does it piss anyone else off that numerically, we've got one more century than the actual date. Fuckin' confusin' or what? Anyway on with the story...)
... there began a tradition, attributed to one Mauvebeard The Sane of "Offending the Carrot" before the ship set sail. Y'see, before even the sails were unfurled, each pirate on the ship had to make an orderly queue and one after the other, offend the Ships Carrot for good luck in pirating. But...
If any pirate repeated an insult to the carrot made previously, they were made "Ships Cook".
And that's why pirates were so fierce! (Especially if there was decent food to be had in the raids)
Incidentally, Mauvebeard also seems to have invented the ritual known as "Addressing the Carrot" whereby the sailors boarding his vessel The Happy Otter had to greet the Ships Carrot with a curtsy and a "Good day, m'lud" or be made Ships Wench. Despite his quaint customs and penchant for wearing a carrot pinned to his shoulder at all times. Mauvebeard the Sane wielded a fearsome reputation throughout all the shipping lanes of the world.
Mad as a toaster, though.
(And a thanks to Amanda for giving me the idea in the first place. You will assuredly be "remembered" throughout history, Amanda!)
3 comments :.
30.8.04 | Something To Look Forward To (Oh Joy)
AS i remember some of you enjoyed that Philip Larkin poem i linked to the other month, i thought i'd put this one up by his friend Kingsley Amis, i've had this cutting lying around the castle for some small while now and it's about time i threw it out... too much clutter on me desktop already, y'see...
A view of ageing, i have read, and would agree, that it makes a very fine companion piece to Larkins Aubade. The full article from which i'm copying it can probably be found on THe Guardian newspapers website (see Linkage Bollocks down side) But i can't be arsed to go and look for it for you just now. So here it is:
Untitled
Things tell less and less:
The news impersonal
And from afar; no book
Worth wrenching off the shelf.
Liquor brings dizziness
And food discomfort; all
Music sounds thin and tired,
And what picture could earn
a look?
The self drowses in the self
Beyond hope of a visitor.
Desire and those desired
Fade, and no matter:
Memories in decay
Annihilate the day.
There once was an answer:
Up at the stroke of seven,
A turn around the garden
(Breathing deep and slow),
Then work, never mind what,
How small, provided that
It serves another's good
But once is long ago
And, tell me, how could
Such an answer be less than
wrong,
Be right all along?
Vain echoes, desist
Kingsley Amis
3 comments :.
Jessie hollered thusly:
Ooh. I suppose forewarned is forearmed.
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
true. i sometimes wonder why we spend all our time trying to extend our lives if we are unable to appreciate the extra time. Perhaps we should instead try and live our lives as fully as possible and just go out in a flash?
A flash!!!
Curtain falls.
Roll credits...
yeah, i'd like that.
Carl Berry hollered thusly:
Tongue...
Electric socket...
You'll have to provide your own curtains though.
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27.8.04 | La la la la laa laa LAA LAA LAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! la la la
La la lala, dum-di-dum, ho-hum....
What?
Whaddyawant?
It's just words. Nothing of relevance here today, ay ahm having one of Dr Seuss' Grey Days is all. That's my favourite of all his books... "My Many Coloured Days".
AND
It's pissing down. Nothing to do. No- it's not real piss obviously, silly! Neither would it be real spit if i said "hey boys an' girls, it's spitting". And i'm not going to discuss the issues around phrases like "It's raining cats and dogs". So there.
Rainy day, dream all day.
First line to a Hendrix song that was. No, i can't remember which one. (laughs)
I discovered my old Zoom guitar fx processor today. Haven't dared plug it in to see if the poor dear is still working after all these years... i need to get practising on my Ric again i think... 'tis good therapy... hmm, woulda showed yer pics of the yummy fireglow on my baby, but the Rickenbacker site seems not to be responding. Ah well...
for anyone who's curious, my guitar style is something like a cross between Slowdive, Godspeed You Black Emperor! My Bloody Valentine, Seefeel, and Nico (Of Velvet Underground fame).
Done badly. Haaaaah! Feel my pain! Yerss! Feel ittt! And hear it. Also! And then it can become your pain too. You can thank me later. With money. But no hitmen this time please. It takes simply ages to get the blood outta the carpets...
As am currently bored to death, will accept any offers of a conversation on MSN, ICQ or similar. (see e-mail address on profile re: offers). Will not accept responsibility for state of your sanity afterwards though. Will almost certainly talk bollocks the whole way through conversation. Entertaining bollocks perhaps, but still bollocks...
There you go. That's all folkses... oh... apart from this: At home With The Richies which i found on blogjam.com . Does it involve swearing? Have a guess... go on, have a guess!!
Quick Update Type Thing: It seems that i'd mistyped the email in my profile. Apologies for anyone who's tried to get in touch. The problem is hopefully now corrected and i am now available for all kinds of misdemeanours. Unless your name is Carl and then only on Saturdays using a suitable pseudonym...
8 comments :.
Jason hollered thusly:
intense!
love,
jason mulgrew
internet quasi-celebrity
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
Bloody Hell, that's gotta be a record for the quickest response post...Ever!
EVER!!
and again
EVERRR!!!!
Cheers matey!
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
Y'know if you hadn't posted that, i would never have known that my email address was wrong. THank-you!
I wonder if that means the spam-people will find me now! Eeek!
Marlene hollered thusly:
Hi, Sat
I hope you´re less bored now. I think Mariana is getting better !... Thanks so much for caring.
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
Ah yr more than welcome, dear lady. Besides, wouldn't the world be a colder place if we didn't look out for one another occasionally?
Am more than glad my humble words were of some comfort to you. Am utterly delighted that the babe is starting to feel better! Hurrah!
=}
Jessie hollered thusly:
Wow, my flamate has a Zoom guitar fx thingy. It's been sitting on top of his speaker and amp beside our front door for about six months now. Kind of like the fender strat sitting behind a chair my room for oh, about a year, waiting to get strung. I figured I'd try and learn the acoustic first. Yeah, it's coming along actually, thanks for asking!
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
Yeah, acoustic guitar is beautiful, i do believe nearly all my favourite music is acoustic in one way or another; one of my best friends is an astounding guitarist and recently spent £5,000 on a classical guitar when he was living in Spain. He's a git and plays classical (see the Daemonic Keystave link for the site he owns down the right there), jazz and everything else. If he wasn't such a fabulous person in lots of other way, i'd really hate 'im! Heh!
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
weird, i'm SURE i posted a reply to you this afternoon Jessie... bloody blogger!
AS much as i like my zoom for it's intense reverbed delayed overdriven effects... the best thing about it is the headphones and the string tuner... no more parents/neighbours whining about Marshall 4* 12 valve amp stacks and their unsubtle rawk volume. Um, i had to sell the amp in the end...
And i love acoustic guitars... methinks it's a sign of talent if a rawk musician can do his/her songs stripped to the bare bones...
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25.8.04 | A Pseudo-Tribute To The Last Chapter of James Joyce's "Ulysses"
*Yes and do you want to change the constant stifling of your own voice and powers she said but not quite like that and i could think of no answer but i knew somewhere far away inside of me there is a child weeping and an old man weeping and they have both lost something dear to them but i can't for the life of me think what for i cannot even begin to grasp who i am and what i want anymore although i do know i do not want this continual existence on the edge of twilight walking in shadows until the end oh no that's not for me i so long to see the sun reflecting off a field of buttercups again and hear the river laughing it's way through the valley again but don't get me wrong here i love the moon as much as anyone and more than most it's just that you can't put all those eggs in one basket and i want to breathe deeply of the waking world once more do you see i always think of it like that Buddhist teaching where you are a playing a lute and you must neither tighten the strings so tight that they snap nor loosen them so much that the sound is all wrong and out of tune and did you see Keanu Reeves in that film it was his one good film i thought and i am very out of tune and my voice and power do indeed feel so very weak Prospero said and now my powers are all o'erthrown and what strength i've left is all mine own which is most faint faint faint yes everything feels distant how did i become this i who am most intelligent and compassionate towards others is this perhaps some kind of balance is that why most people find it easier to be crueller than kinder in the world today certainly many of those with hearts suffer more than those without i should be a stone unthinking and unflinching upon a beach beset only by the winds and tides i do so miss the sea i wonder if that's my Cornish ancestry but what of that it was so long ago and barely remembered amongst my family today i often find myself thinking of the past y'know even when it's no longer mine sometimes i remember my grandfather even though he's been dead over twenty years now we used to sit by the bowling green in the warm afternoon sun and he would take a penknife with a black handle and a bright red English apple out of his jacket pocket and peel the skin away before slicing segments up for us both i still have that penknife and i still peel apples that same way even after all these years i loved him so and yet i was the only one who did not weep on his funeral day when the curtains closed to upon the casket was that when i numbed myself to the world oh i miss him so and the others too there are thousands of people all carefully stored away within me some much loved like her she was so shy and defiant and quite beautiful with her dark gipsy hair and eyes full of enquiring vulnerability why we laughed at the whole world that first evening it was like nothing existed but we and we whispered and passed secret notes all night long oblivious to our friends around us in that bar some strangers that i only saw or heard for a fleeting second there was a very small child who waved both with sadness and joy at the entire bus as she was lifted off the doors step by her embarrassed and proud mother i remember them all as i age and the days go by ever swifter and swifter why sometimes i think i should be an angel in Wings of Desire you haven't seen it you should but most of all i remember her gipsy hair and eyes and of how she looks today and i try to remember that i don't want to disappoint her after all we've been through and be somebody that she can be proud of even if she no longer loves me the way she used to yes.
4 comments :.
Ginger Doll hollered thusly:
Y'know I could never get away with James Joyce. Tiresome old windbag.
Unlike your magnificently verbose self!
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
WEll, th' last chapter of Ulysses was the only bit i really liked about it... although i do think the whole book has an aura of fabulous poetry about it... rare in books these days...
Personally, i wish i'd taken longer over this... i think i took me less than half an hour from conception to murder. And i think i should have suffered more mental anguish when writing it... i always write my best poetry when i'm in paiiiin... lol
Carl Berry hollered thusly:
I'll round up some volunteers to help you write your very best poetry if you like.
Joyce also needed to learn some punctuation, the slacker.
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
hmm, i think my poetry would enter the realms of "Godlike" if you were to do that, Carl. There'd be a queues around the block...
Yr too kind... no really, You ARE!!!
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19.8.04 | Conversations With My Pumpkin (Pt 4. The Testicles of Love)
("Are we on part 4 already?"
"Shut up! You'll spoil the mood!")
Pumpkin has been feeling pretty low and blehhh for a few days, and so i am indulging in my usual delightful banter in a vain attempt to cheer her up.
"...two Charverscum Nuns in the bath, right? And one sez to the other, "'Ey up!- Yer big fookin' lezzer! 'Ave yuu got that soap up yer flaps again, yer fookin' slag?" An' 'tother sez "Yer, i have. What's it to you anyways? Besides y'know you Fookin' love it!" Ta-daa!"
"..."
"Right. right. There were these two sharks swimming in the North Sea. One sez to 'tother. "Bloody 'ell! Two fookin' nuns arguin' in a floating bathtub! Y'don't see them in the wrong joke very often". Boom! Boom!
"..."
"Bingy bongy boo?"
"..."
Nothing. I suppose i could tell the Really Sick Funny Joke, but i've been saving that one up for a special occasion... besides, it's too sick for the discerning internet blogger... no really. I cast my mind desperately around for something to distract her...
"Ah love yew Pumpkin"
"..."
"Ah love yew more than...er..."
Quick! think think. What could i love hugely enough that mai Pumpkin would really appreciate me for loving her more than? And did that last sentence make any sense? Whatsoever? oh i got it..no... don't say that!!
"...mai bollocks!" (too late...)
"What?" (Aha! the ole Reverie-broken-via-astonishment-trick!)
Well i've come this far... got a response...
"Yeah. I love yew more than mai bollocks!"
(Well... it's original)
"No you bloody don't! No wayyy!"
"Yeah! Yehh!- i DO!! Why, if i was to have to choose between yew an' my bollocks, i'd choose yew every time!"
"I don't think soOo!"
"'s true!! I'm hurt. Y'mean y' doubt my love for yew?"
"Well i'm up against your bollocks here, figuratively speaking. Something you've been attached to for a very long time, despite constant attempts to prove to you that they do you more harm than good..."
(I wince at the memories)
"...and i fail to see how you might arrive at a situation where you'd have to choose the bollocks or me... perhaps you'd enlighten me on that count?"
"erm... Well... erm... suppose i had me bollocks in a vice and erm... saw some failing masonry heading towards you, and, erm, my only way to save you was to leap hurriedly towards you and drag you out of the way, and thus in the process lose 'em, um, somewhat painfully, i might add. That might happen... er..."
"What in God's name would your bollocks be doing in a vice!!??!!" (Said apoplectically)
"Well i might be... working on them!" (Said with slight hysteria)
"Working on them?!?! WORKING ON THEM?????!!?!"
(i move phone away slightly from ear. To allow her full expressiveness in my air-space).
...Pleb-Boy, You haven't thought this all the way through, have you?".
And Pumpkin laughs. Phew. Result.
..."Still, you've given me some ideas..."
Oops! =I
10 comments :.
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
Hi Saturnyne! What a totally funny and original post you've made there. I laughed me arse off, i was laughing so much! Plus i ruptured several internal organs, including and especially my lungs, and bled to death through my mouth in a huge and beautifully reflective pool of blood. Several people walking nonchalantly past my corpse afterwards, had lots of fun using same pool of blood as a makeshift slide.
...meanwhile, my liver absconded and appeared on several childrens television shows... it will then be duetting in a single with Kylie Minogue for a special Christmas single...
(I have unusual blood, in that it freezes on contact with the air...demonic parentage, y'see)
(Where's me comments, you fackin' tossers!)
I feeeel unlooooved! *sob*
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
Wow, Saturnyne! You're sharper than a twist of lemon that's been sculpted into a very fine point! Absolute genius!
You shame all other bloggers into mediocrity with your sublime and matchless ability to throw words around like paper cups.
Honest!
Lizzy hollered thusly:
LOL!!!!!!!!!!! *ROFLMAO!!!!*
Good lord that was hilarious! *wipes eyes and applauds*
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
Lizzy!!! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!! You are officially my best friend on the internet today.
(hugs LIzzy and gives her flowers)
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
Ok. Amanda! Yow can be moi besty friend tomorrow, then!
S.x
Jessie hollered thusly:
Who is this Pumpkin that she doesn't appreciate such sentiment?!
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
WEll, Jessie, Pumpkin has many many great qualities, one of which is a tolerance to my general dumbness and crazed ideas.
She's mah bestest friend in the whole world. Not my gf though as some have supposed... although we did go through such a stage...
She's an incredibly kind and generous person though. And i love her. AStonishingly, she loves me too!
=}
been a while since i saw you posting on me blog. Thought it was a one-off... Do you come here often? (THe Saturnyne amuses himself with that last sentence) Methinks i shall have to take a peek at your own blog again an' see who you are a bit more...
Jessie hollered thusly:
Oh you know, I stop by now and then... had some trouble with your Ulysses post though, being something of a freak for punctuation myself.
I expect you to now lament my inability to see beyond the constraints of grammar and punctuation to a wide wide world of artistic expression... to which I say "Bollocks!"
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
Hah, i know what you mean about punctuation. One can quite forget how to breathe without a nicely placed full stop or comma here and there...
I say "Bollocks" cheerily back atcha. One can never have enough bollocks in the world....um, i mean that metaphorically of course... the literal imagery of that would be rather disturbing... ergh!
hollered thusly:
My uncle recently developed a strong loathing for punctuation errors, mainly in the form of spelling and the use of apostrophes. One day, whilst driving to work he stopped at some traffic lights and noticed a sign someone had put up on the railings next to the lights. It read ‘Jims Removal Company’ then some address details. As you may have noticed there was the apostrophe missing which made my uncle wince every time he drove past. One day he bought a board marker and took it with him on his way to work then when he stopped at the traffic lights he got out of his car, pen in hand and corrected the sign, then got back in and drove to work.
Also, once when my uncle and aunt went out for lunch on the menu they had spelt three items wrong on their menu, expresso, lasagna and glenfiddutch (whisky). My uncle wanted to get them corrected but my aunt tried to make him just ignore it an order but when the waitress came over for their drinks he pointed them out to her and she just looked at him blankly then nodded and disappeared. Then she came back 20 or so minutes later with an espresso, a plate of lasagne and a glass of glennfidditch much to the amusement of my aunt. As it turns out the waiter was French and didn’t speak much English.
Slightly off the grammatical side this time it’s a phonological (that’s right I can use big words too!) error. Ok, so my aunt and uncle have gone to one of those fancy French restaurants as you do (although you wouldn’t think of one being situated in Manchester). Everyone in their spoke with a French accent so he took their ordered and returned with the wine they had ordered complete with an ice bucket. Then he said “wood Madame like to try ze wyn thirst?” and when he pulled out the wine, the icy water dripped all over my aunt’s leg and the waiter immediately said in a thick Manchester accent “Blimey, sorry luv I didn’t mean to-” at which he broke off due to the huge smiles on the faces of my aunty and uncle at his sudden change in accent. Then the waiter was in quite a dilemma, should he carry on speaking in his normal accent or should he put on the French accent again? He then continued to serve them through all 3 courses in his phoney French accent much to the amusement of my aunt and uncle.
may be long, but worth a read i'd say ;)
Alex
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17.8.04 | The Saturnyne Went To The Cinema. Ages ago...
Once upon a time,
When the Saturnyne was barely more a saproling, or barely more than a Saturn (With the "yne-ing" to come later), there was a large and imposing cinema in the nearby town. THe town was once a thriving place like many towns in East Lancashire, and had many many cinemas, all hustling and bustling with people determined to have a jolly time (And for the most part, they did), as they sat enthralled by the wonders of the silver screen. Alas, however, television arrived, and with this new wonder, people no longer made the effort to be quite so sociable, and so, one by one the cinemas closed, and became other things, one a night-club, another a bingo-hall, this other, a derelict ruin, with perhaps the echoes of ghost people and their delight within it's crumbling edifice...
Until there was just this one. A relic of the not-so-distant 60's. Three large screens in the darkness, reached via traversing many flights of twisting stairs. Unloved and derelict by the time Saturnyne attends what was almost it's last showing. There were rumours of rats in the stalls...
There he goes, look. -it's a rainy midweek evening, and the Saturnyne is striding purposefully towards the stairs into the cinema, his long coat and long hair fluttering mournfully in his wake. He is bored and has decided a movie would be a fine thing to see and pass the time. He is coming to see Hellraiser. And he is alone.
(It feels quite strange, going to the cinema by yourself. The Saturnyne recommends you do it at least once in your life.)
Just how alone becomes all too apparent, when surveying the inside of the cinema to find his seat. He is the only customer this evening.
Great. That'll really help the atmosphere...
Alone: check
Vast gothic cinema: check
Horror film: check
Popcorn. Fucking horrible popcorn: check
Shlurpy so-called-orange flavoured drink for all the dull bits: check
Sticky floor (For that special feeling of slight revulsion): check
Distant rustling noises in the stalls: check
Fear of rats: Checkity fecking check
So The Saturnyne sits not a little squeamishly in his seat right in the middle of the cinema. Vaguely tormented by feelings of elitism, that great directors feel when they're having their own private screenings, slightly wondering about how big rats can grow, somewhat worried that he's going to find he's sat in an undiscernible sticky patch...
Curtains draw back. No adverts. Whoo! Film starts. Whoo! Great film (please note dear reader, when we say "great film" we're not necessarily saying this is gonna be listed in our Blog fave films bit... it's not that great.
About halfway in, the creeping and rustling noises which The Saturnyne has been diligently trying to ignore, make themselves most apparent during a particulaly quiet bit
Surely this noise was next to us?
Shall we risk a quick glance?
Ok.
Quick glance.
There appears to be a very large rat sitting in the seat next to us. Something odd about it
Reappraisal of situation?
Probably good idea. Hope it doesn't notice us. After all it's rude to stare.
Longer glance.
There appears to be more rats in other seats. Still something odd...
Very long glance.
Aah, that's the oddity. They appear to be watching the flm.
Rat turns towards us, twitching it's whiskers and seemingly grinning.
"Good film, innit? You gonna hog that popcorn all night, mate?"
We pass the popcorn.
A pleasant time is had by all.
4 comments :.
Tam hollered thusly:
Thanks to my penchant for deeply pretentious indie cinema --usually camel themed-- I'm always left to see movies in old creaky theatres by myself and it is, as you said, eerie. Being the sole member of the audience is by far the best environment to spread out, laugh uproariously and kick it cool by putting your feet up on the back of the chair in front like some insolent nogoodnick with a winning smile and a mesmorizing pelvis that thrusts about defiantly underneath all of their dangerously mis-matched denim.
But mostly, its the laughing. Those camels are comical beasts.
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
Yowsa!
I can only think of one recent film with camel in it. "Th' Weeping Camel".Lovely. You make me wanna invent an instant teleportation device so i can drop in on yer and visit these fabulous cinemas!
Alas, when we finally got a cinema back in town...after many years... it was some bloody soulless multiplex... better than nothing though...
Ginger Doll hollered thusly:
ps...don't think I didn't notice u changed yr blurb at the top of yr blog!
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
????no i didn't!!!
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15.8.04 | How the West Sees Muslim States
We all remember the horrors of World Trade Centre attacks. We all saw the news footage. It's not something that can easily be forgotten. Nor should it.
I also remember news footage shown of Palestinians cheering and celebrating in the streets. It's hard to imagine how a people can be brought to this state. You really have to be one of them to understand how low they have sunk, methinks. This post is not about them, however, as much as i sympathize with them and their plight. Nor is this about the poor victims of 9/11.
No, this is about the people of Iran. Another Arab state demonized by the West.
Does anyone recall the news footage from Tehran on the day the Twin Towers fell?
I don't. I don't remember seeing anything at all from that country on the day. Nor the day after.
And yet footage there certainly is. I saw some the other night. There was an in-depth documentary on the BBC (Very late at night i might add. not very brave. I have noticed a particular trend in recent years, regarding Muslim-friendly/anti Zionist programs being shunted into the late night t.v. slots)
The footage i saw was of a demonstration. A large demonstration against terrorism. There were chants too, shouting "Condolences to America". Many candles were alight. People, both men and women wept openly.
So. I'm wondering. Did i just happen to be out of the room when this was shown on the news? Or did it simply not get broadcast? Whichever country you live in, i'd be pleased to hear from you and whether any footage of this nature was shown there...
I think i should point out in closing that i am neither pro-Arabic nor anti Israeli. Just pro-human rights. There are many governments around the world which deny their citizens basic dignity and basic human rights.
Dear reader? Do you know what your government is doing? Tread carefully. Tread bravely. Wherever you are...
Good-night.
5 comments :.
Lizzy hollered thusly:
Hmm, never really noticed that before. But then again, I don't live in the west. Its sad how things are.
I guess opening broadcasting that the Muslims too, have hearts, would not be good on the relations with the other pro-Zionist countries. Good relations between countries always seem to be rather fragile. Like with my country (Singapore) now. China wants to severe several trade relations with us because our Prime Minister visited Taiwan, hence 'hurting' the feelings of our 'friend' China. If good relations could be strained so easily, what damage could be inflicted from showcasing the fact that the Muslims actually have hearts?
Anyway thanks for leaving a comment on my blog. Appreciated muchs. =)
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
*coughs embarrasedly*
Well Amanda, i did go to bed. but some neighbours in the castle next door but one were having an effing party. When i did drop off, i was awakened by some idiot pretending that a cardboard tube or something was a trumpet. Not pleased. Then i just had to get those thoughts out of my head... they'd been niggling me for days...
So i did a post.
Then i went back to bed. I finally got to sleep at 8 a.m. still not pleased. Ruined mah beauty sleep!
Hi Lizzy!
Nice to see you back here again.
Doesn't it always seem to be the case that the big boys in the world are always pushing around the smaller?
It gives me a headache, if i think about it too much. I get so angry.
Ginger Doll hollered thusly:
Good post. What pisses me off is how our glorious leaders in the West believe they know what is good for everyone else, without taking into account the rights, traditions and beliefs of the people who are to them just a commodity.
SingleFin hollered thusly:
Have you seen Bowling for Columbine? It'll make you very, very glad you don't live in the US
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
sitting at the pc... "message from Singlefin" in the old Inbox... good job i just realized i could click on the msg and be taken here... otherwise i'd've been looking all ove rme blog for it... ahh, the wonders of technology...
yeah, i saw it. Haven't seen the new one yet, though. I'm just praying they don't let Bush and his buddies back into office... Jeez... not FOUR MORE years!!!!
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13.8.04 | Emperor Who???
"At the pre-emptory request of a large majority of the citizens of these United States, I, Joshua Norton, formerly of Algoa Bay, Cape of Good Hope, and now for the past nine years and ten months of San Francisco, California, declare and proclaim myself Emperor of these U.S., and in virtue of the authority thereby in me vested, do hereby order and direct the representatives of the different States of the Union to assemble in the Musical Hall of this city on the 1st day of February next, then and there to make such alterations in the existing laws of the Union as may ameliorate the evils under which the country is laboring, and thereby cause confidence to exist, both at home and abroad, in our stability and integrity."
- Norton I,
September 17th, 1859
With this proclamation, the first of many, did Joshua Abraham Norton declare himself Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico.
As a couple of people asked me who or what this Emperor Norton was in my profile, i thought now might be a good time to answer.. a little... first of all here's a picture of him:
Emperor Norton
Doesn't he look fabulous? If that man was my emperor, i'd not complain!
I first came across His Noble Majesty in the pages of the Sandman comic; his was a rather beautifully told short story called "Three Septembers And A January" and was centred around a wager that Dream had been become embroiled in with his siblings... you should read it. It's... different...
And so, when i arrived on the internet, this extraordinary "Eccentric" as some might vulgarly call him was practically the first thing i searched for... after the porn of course... actually he came several months after the porn... i mean i really had to "research" everything... um, there sure are some weird tastes out there... kinda makes me feel sorry for the Marquis De Sade; whom i reckon would have been directing the stuff with glee if he'd been around today...
*ahem* moving on...
there are several sites about him. Most of which you can find here: The Emperor
and it was whilst perusing these webpages that i came across a particular story, which i plagiarize quite cheerfully from here because it's well told... ah, and saves me the time of re-writing it.
"One night a gang of vigilantes gathered for a pogrom against San Francisco's Chinatown. All that stood in their way was the solitary figure of Norton. A sane man would not have been there in the first place. A rational man would have tried to reason with them. A moralist would have scolded them. A man as daft as Norton usually seemed would have loudly ordered them to cease and desist in the name of His Royal Imperial authority. All such tacks would probably have been futile, and Norton resorted to none of them.
He simply bowed His head in silent prayer.
The vigilantes dispersed".
And yes it is a true story, despite the apparent weirdnesss of that particular site. Like i said, i could follow such a King anywhere.
It kinda reminds me of this man, still unknown i believe(Although if anyone can put a name to him, i'll be dead chuffed. Names are important:
Ah well, there's so much more for you to find out about this extraordinary character. hope this posting encourages you all to seek him out for yourself.
Norton I, the first and last Emperor of America.
5 comments :.
Ginger Doll hollered thusly:
You are a deep one. I don't know his name, though I knew the Emp story being a SM fanatic like u!
See? the world needs deep thinkers like you
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
Mmm, i think the pic of this unknown Chinese man is one of the truly iconic images to come out of the last century. To me it represents astonishing courage against truly ridiculous odds. The fact that he "won" on the day is just jaw-dropping.
I so hope he lives. And if he lives, that he is free from state persecution.
But i think this is a hard world to be "free" in. I'd certainly laugh with enormous cynicism, at any westerner that believes they're free...
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
I found this about him:
"The suppression of the protest was symbolised for many by the famous footage and photographs of a lone protester, taken on 5 June, standing in front of a column of advancing tanks, halting their progress. The "tank man" continued to stand defiantly in front of the tanks for half an hour before an onlooker came over and pulled him away. Despite efforts, to this day no one knows who that solitary figure is. Time magazine dubbed him The Unknown Rebel and later named him one of the "100 Most Influential People of the 20th Century".
"Little is known of the man, including his current whereabouts or if he is still alive. History has identified him as Wang Weilin, a 19-year-old student; however, there's no absolute confirmation of this, and the Chinese government, if it knows, isn't telling. Some believe Wang was executed by firing squad several months after the incident; others believe he is still alive and in hiding somewhere in mainland China."
Lizzy hollered thusly:
Don't know a thing about him, other than what I read in the Sandman as well. But now that I've read your post, it all kinda fits, sorta. :P
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
Wow! You're a Sandman fan? And Janey, is too! (See link to "An Angel Darkly" down the side.. she's got several pointers on her site to some yummy art by Dave Mckean and other stuff.)
I'm impressed.
Also impressed that Morpheus and his siblings are available in your country. I thought the Sandman only available in the West...
...ye learn something new every day...
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| Omnia Mutantir, Nihil Interit... (With Pumpkin Guest Appearance)
Forgive me if i don't share that latin quote with you.
It's late.
My folks returned from a holiday to Florida this weekend gone. They brought back many interesting little stories of their holiday, taken with my brother, his wife and my two nieces and nephew. They also brought back a rather virulent virus. And a great deal of unhappiness.
I'm angry. Angry that two elderly people, indeed two of the kindest and most generous people i know, were treated so poorly by their own family. "Class shows" i think it is said, and well, my family ain't got it. I find myself... completely untouched by love for any members of my brothers family, including him. I wouldn't miss any of them if i never saw them again.
So, it's late. I'm angry. My dad's in the next room because he can't sleep. He's sitting there, in his favourite chair. Got his pyjamas on. Poorly and miserable. He looks so very old tonight... i want to sit by him, and tell him how much i love him and mum. I want to tell him how much i'll miss them both when they're gone from my life. I want to tell him how very proud i am to be his son, and about how very grateful i am for all the things they've given me; especially their love. A love that carries on through me and imbues my own words and actions towards others. I wish i had had children sometimes. I probably won't. I dunno... (laughs) well maybe my family would have turned out like my brothers... You never know how good a parent you're gonna be until you actually are one...
No of course i'm not going to go in the next room just now!- He doesn't want someone emotional pestering him when he's just got some flu thing and is trying to kip! I'll do what every Englishmen does, and leave it until it's too late. After all, there's Tradition to follow here. Besides i'm saving up all that "Wracked-by-self-guilt" stuff for a rainy day. Yer shouldn't waste it, yer know!
I wish i felt worth something, that i had something tangible to show for my sorry life. Gawd, i wish i could stop whining. Actually that's just what Pumpkin would say. She'd say:
"Pleb Boy?"
"Uh-huh?"
"Stop that fucking racket, and just do something! Or i'll set the cats on you again!"
She has a special way with words, does Pumpkin.
Most of all i just wish that my dad and my mum were feeling better...
"Omnia mutantir, nihil interit".... yeah, that's true. And you might add to that:
"Only the Phoenix rises and does not descend." And that also is true.
But i hope my folks are given a few years more, yet. Maybe i can yet accomplish something i'm happy about in that time... maybe something good and lasting... Perhaps it all won't have been in vain after all.
1 comments :.
Ginger Doll hollered thusly:
I agree with the Princess. It is sweet. Go make the old man some hot lemon and give him the tv remote. Turn the heating up and getn him a blanket.
You don't have to hug, just show 'the love'...
And what is so nice is you recognise how caring and lovely they are. Mebbe your mum would appreciate a hug. Though it may be strange.
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9.8.04 | What's In A Name?
Learn interesting things about your name that you would never have hoped to discover. Ever.
Learn them here (Yes all that pretty coloured writing is a link): Click the link. You know you want to. Just do it, ok? Now! Look, if you don't click the link NOW, very cute kittens will be unhappy and not get nice milk, and their sad little "meep?" noises will haunt you for the rest of your life. Click. The. Link. Your continuing reading this only prolongs the agony you know, cos there's nothing else to be gained by reading this spiel. See? You wasted all this time just reading this when you could have save yourself the hassle just by following the instructions i gave you right at the begining of this link-thing. But oh, no, you're too inquisitive, aren't you? You wanna know everything, don't you? no matter how obvious it becomes that i'm just rambling, you will continue to read this right up to the absolute and inevitable and bitter end
in such merry ways i pass the time. Oh Happy days.
Aaaah.
Addendum stuff: It has been pointed out to moi that "quizzes" may be not quite to everybody's taste (heheh! yuss, i'm teasing a little). This is just an excuse to add something else...)... so i offer you:
A sad Blob i found somwehere on the internet. You will weep... you will you know... it always makes me think of mah life without mah Pumpkin *sniff*
4 comments :.
Lizzy hollered thusly:
Fun. Didn't make much sense to me though. Just passing by. :)
minger hollered thusly:
"Hello! You don't know me, but I've been going through your bins for a few months now." <= my motto? intresting ;)
I hate such stupid quizzes. I hate all quizzes actually ;P
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
phew! Thank goodness it wasn't a quiz, then! More a satire of a quiz (in a very English style, i might add)
But... on the other hand... i love stupid quizzes! I revel in the stupidness, and the fact that they actually tell me almost nothing about myself whatever! Yaay! Hurrah for stupidness! And scrrew common-sense!
However, for you and anyone else who doesn't like stupid quizzes, i shall modify this post a bit and include a link of great amusement to me... =| (that's my straight-faced emoticon btw)
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
Hi Catherine. Welcome to The Lounge. Nice of you to drop by... Only just found your comment here... nearly missed it. Glad you liked the link...
S.
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8.8.04 | Mmm! Mmmmmm! Sensual Taste Sensation Alert!!!
Today, o' lovely and gorgeous reader, and i do mean YOU (And especially you, madame, in that loose and short summery dress, which looks extraordinary when you wear it o-yes!)... (But not you, Carl... you look right rubbish in dresses of any kind)
Today, i have discovered a new and ultra fabulous taste-sensation! And am willing to share it with you for the princely sum of...
Your-undying-gratitude! Or mebbe you could be mah love-slave for the day... (Terms and coditions apply)
Sooo... I share!
Take yummy dark chocolate (It's gotta be dark chocolate, otherwise i mock you without mercy... plus it really does work better than that wussy milk stuff, which only pretends to be chocloate)
Then take yummy cranberry juice (Wossat? you don't like yummy cranberry juice? Do i care? No... now stop interrupting and make way for the yummy alcohol bit).
THEN(!) take yummy gin or maybe yummy vodka (Or perhaps any yummy white spirit?- i dunno i haven't tried any others)
Then, mix yummy cranberry juice and yummy alcohol stuff to taste.
Add yummy straw.
Melt yummy chocolate (DARK! DARK!!!- D'YA HEAR!!!) in mouth and suck other yumminess through straw, thus allowing all ingredients to come together in one mass of ultra-yumminess!
Mmmmmmmmmmmm!
This will make taste buds ecstatic. Party in mouth will ensue, and much pleasure will be felt throughout the evening...
For added fun, bring loved one's tongue into mouth to share in yummy and exotic party atmosphere... Happiness multiplies! Yaay!
Finally, remember to thank The Saturnyne with small gifts and/or sexual favours. (Terms and conditions apply)
I thank you.
PS: for added pleasure you might like to play songs by
Galaxie 500 while you have your yummy mouth party... because they just go sooo well together with liquid sensuality... here's a song i found on the site, a cover of The Sex Pistols "Submission" Yummy Song... lovely guitar stuff! Lovely site! The first musical love of my life! (See previous post... or is it the one before that?)
6 comments :.
Ginger Doll hollered thusly:
sounds mighty fine to me dear. Just one problem. Hangover. Big. And I had to make do with Galaxy chocolate as the shop didn't have owt else. And the lyrical genius and top tapping delight of Franz Ferdinand.
minger hollered thusly:
yhmmm...and yummy Cranberry Vodka [Finlandia]could be? You'll have 2 in 1 ;D it's *trendy* to have in one thing as many as you can ;D
and what more can I say... I'm addicted to chocolate :)and sensual pleasure too =)
You're right, Submission is very good song ;) That's what I like ;)
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
Janey?!!- Galaxy choccie??!!?? whmmm? I seem to recall this being the second time you've "Had to make do" with this posh charver (hah!) choccie substitute... Methinks someone in Newcastle has secret fetish for tawdry chocs... and so i am informing ver Taste Police, who i am reliably informed, already have you on their books, concerning other "unspecified" offences for crimes against yumminess, and indeed, grooviness in general...
(oooh, the shame!!!! Wot will ther neighbours say?!?!)
heheh!
oyeah, my scrumptious recipe also tastes just as spiffy without the alchohol bit. But the straw is a MUSTTT!)
oyeah 2: And if you find you don't actually like mai recipe, then you are obviously owning the wrong kind of taste buds, or they're depressed, and you need to see a doctor immediately for either; 1: A taste bud transplant, or 2: Taste bud counselling...
Ginger Doll hollered thusly:
I foolishly sent the only bar I had left of Green & Black's dark orange and spices to a deprived American whose never had the opportunity to sample fine chocolate (via the real mail nonetheless). So I have to make do with the pants stuff til I go to town (and the only shop I know sells it - Oxfam).
Soooooooo....what are the terms and conditions? Just curious...
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
Terms and Conditions: er... utter gorgeousness? Laughing at all my very bad puns... even when they're not in the slightest bit funny? Umm... err... being totally bowled over by mai own gorgeousness and thus fancying me like mad in a sex-crazed-nympho kind of way?
Hadn't actually gone so far as to think that one through, as i didn't think anyone would fall for it... still... if yer interested, i guess i could overlook yr "discrepancy" with fake choccie... just this once, mind!
Heheh!
Bloody Hell, it's sooo effin' humid today! Really really bad! blehhh!
Carl Berry hollered thusly:
Alcohol, dark chocolate and cranberry juice ? You're just taking the piss now aren't you ? Anyway I look pretty good in a burka.
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6.8.04 | Why We Lost The British Empire (An alternate history)
"I say, old chap, you want to talk to an old fella about th' bally old British Empire, eh? Well pull up a chair, bring me glass of brandy, a GENEROUS glass mind, and let me tell yer all about my big game hunting in darkest Africa, with Ginger and Algy.
This was back in the time when men could be real men together, as taught by the finest boarding schools in Oxbridge, yes there was none of this effeminate nancy boy stuff; in those days we toiled and sweated, showered and buggered each other in proper manly fashion, according to Royal tradition. Yess, many's the time Ginge, Algy and i would get th' stirrups and egg-whisk out and-YOU CALL THIS A GLASS?!?! Bring me a PINT glass!!! Ahh... where was i? Oh, yesss...
...And also according to Royal tradition, we partaked of the finest intoxicants known to man, (all illegal now to you girly youngsters, eh?) why i remember how a good soaking in opium led to the finest shoot i've ever been on...
It was one morning, and we'd just bagged a few dozen of the natives, and we were running out of targets, eh. Bloody nuisance, eh... these blighters have got no respect for an Englishmans right to go out and shoot bally well anything he likes...
Well after elevenses, and some more opium (Bes' thing to come out of th' East, in my opinion), we struck out once more into the plains, and there we met the most marvellous sights known to man...
Watermelons. Herds and herds of the blighters, all foraging in the dry grass. What for? Well bloody water, i suppose! don't they teach you youngsters anything at school, boy?
WElllll, after we let rip with the 12bores, they were off, stampeding wildly across the plains, leaping madly in terror as they sough to escape our shot. Heaven help anyone caught in front of a wild herd of watermelon, eh?
What a sight! Just thinkin' about it brings a tear to my eye. I get quite emotional. But NOT IN A NONCY, way, Y' UNDERSTAND?!??! It's all about dignity, you know!
And they were so damned difficult to shoot, one had to run right up to them, practically stare them in the face, before you could be sure of a good shot, they were so agile...
Well, m'deah boy, i think it's time for my afternoon nap... I say, do you think you could loosen this manacle a bit? The chafing you know..."
(well, was that all right Janey? I had to think about that for, oooh, a good ten minutes or so... bloody "hiatus"... grumblegrumble... the cheek!)
7 comments :.
minger hollered thusly:
Thank for your visit :) it's nice to see some friendly one, especially when it's you first day on your english blog... I don't think it's excellent but nevermind ;) echhh...you're from UK...I've always wanted to go there but I unfortunately can't :(
minger hollered thusly:
Oh, I forgot... what would you learn in polish? ;D I've never been teacher <> before so tell me and I'll try to help you :)
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
nice of you to reply... and so quickly, too! I'll go and post my own reply on your page and save you the trouble of moving back and forth between pages...
Ginger Doll hollered thusly:
ah....that's better. And I have to say, your version is probably a lot closer to the truth than the history books would tell us. Ever read any Tom Sharpe? I can't recall the name of the book he got chucked out of South Africa for, but that was very funny.
Ginger Doll hollered thusly:
I'm lost tonight. If you read my cack poetry you'll know that!
I need to know who I am.
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
you're a Janey... and very lovely with it, too.
xxx
Ginger Doll hollered thusly:
owww. me heed hurts.
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4.8.04 | Obituary: (of some dead Jewish guy you've probably never heard of)
You ever heard of Hyam Maccoby?
No?
Me neither.
In fact i'm a wee bit miffed that i only hear about him now he's bleedin' dead. Typical... like the first band i ever fell in love with,
Galaxie 500. I'd just gone and bought their 3rd album This Is Our Music (which, incidentally, is perfect for drinking cocktails to on those warm hazy summer days) when the lead singer upped and split... after i read the news in that weeks Melody Maker i spent the rest of the day getting very, very drunk, writing bad angsty poetry, and ringing around friends for moral suport, and occasionally sobbing into my booze with melodramatic self-pity. That's when not gazing wistfully off into the distance in a fit of Victorian melancholy... (The Victorians used it like a fashion accessory by the way...)
=}
Typical conversation went thus:
Friend: Hello?
Me: They've shplitty!!
Friend: Hello? Who is this?
Me: 'Shme! THeyss Shplitted!
Friend: Are you drunk? Who is this?!?
Me: 'SHME! ShMEEE! Shatt erm erNyNE!
Friend: Who? Do i know you?
Me: Yerssh, but. But! Thash no 'mportan'. NooOOOoo! Th' Glaxxashies, aye meansh th' Galaxiansh have s- shplitted!! 'm inconsholoabel. No wait! thash a arcade gaaam... or di' they'nvade? Gaad, thish pub carpe', is fookin dishgustinn'...
Friend: If this is a prank call i'm gonna call the police, you know!?
Me: "..."
Friend: Hello? Hello? (Puts phone down in disgust)
(At this point i had probably taken to re-examining my relationship with gravity, and also the fascinating pattern i had discovered in the pub carpet)
(Of course i HAD to ring him back... several times)
Soo anyway.... where the fuck was i? Oh yeah.
Dead guy. Hyam Maccoby i was reading that in Saturdays Guardian.
I have a lot of doubts about much of modern day religions, but the obit for him, made me think i might be able to refine some of these doubts... i especially liked his thoughts on Christ. Whom i do believe existed, son of God or not.... and to my mind, the first socialist.
I must buy some of this guys works. Immediately... hmm... i wonder of some of my religious friends could be persuaded... naah, they'd kill me! (laughs)
Right that's enough about Dead guys. Worrabout Elvis, eh? He works as a car mechanic dahn the end of my street, y'knaw...
3 comments :.
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
I take it that you enjoyed this particular post, then? Heheh!
Ginger Doll hollered thusly:
Oi! Just cos I'm on hiatus doesn't mean u can be!
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
??? Whuh???
(blerghhh!)
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3.8.04 | "Resilient" Is a nice word, wouldn't you say?
(For Pumpkin)
Her Jazz
Her jazz
flows around and through me
and won't ever let me go...
irridescent perfect waterfalls
of million perfect notes
now tears, around a heart
new filled with wonder
a mind now lost
in a liquid
sound of ecstasy floats
a pleasure by pure
selfless being of alive
her jazz
knows
- The Saturnyne
I wrote that a very long time ago. Memories of a Jazz concert. Title stolen from an Indie riot grrl song. About being with someone i loved, and still love enormously. And their passion. Someone who has taught me the true meaning of unconditional love, and still has so much to teach me. Dear reader, i have met a great many people in my lifetime, and although i meet fewer now than i would like, i have only ever met one person who has made me think "Wow!- this is a somebody who can change things."
As i write this, a storm rages outside and i long to go walking into it's fury. And like all storms, calm follows. Pumpkin and i have had a tormented few days. But i think we're through it all. My best friend is still my best friend.
Phew!
Sooo... anything interrestin' happen while i was away? Alien invasion? Presidential assassinaton (I wish)? Happy potato mysteries?
4 comments :.
Ginger Doll hollered thusly:
Good to have you back sweetie!
I met a psychic (?) medium this morning who heals people with the help of angels Michael and Uriel.
All in a day's work in my new job!
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
wow! That sounds cool. I'd be well into that. It sounds fuuun!
I wouldn't be back without a little help from certain friends...
Tam hollered thusly:
Email! Check your goddamned email for the love of all that is holy and sugar-sweet! Have had it up-to-here (5 ft, or so) with bounced mails.
The Saturnyne hollered thusly:
hah! Yerss! tell me about it! bloody email bollocky bollocks! i did do. and replied! Yaay! (cue lotsa imaginary smiley emoticons).
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Right. I need me a carrot.
Oh, and a matching ship...
: )
You are adorable aren't you?!
yeah.
i am.
an' modest.
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