14.1.06 | Merry January 23th!!!
Merry Christma- what? We've done that?
Ok, wait! Wait!
Happy New Y-huh? Noo, we've done that one, too?
Er, so did you all have a good Christmas? Get all the prezzies you want, hmm?
Well i fucking didn't!!! Your poor Saturnyne through unfortunate circumstances (Not all his own doing), awoke on Christmas morning to NO fooking presents at all!!! None!!! Nary so much as a sweetie wrapper!!!
Fucking Santa-fucking Clause!
(Yes i got money, but money doesn't count! I wanted things to unwrap! Unwrap i say!)
Santa has totally let me down,...the cunt!!!!!!!!
Look at him! Oi! Santa! You can run, but you can't hide. And shaving that beard off and pretending to get all religious? Pathetic. You could have at least removed the hat, tchah!
And it's still in that stupid red Coca Cola colour! Whatever happened to that nice green colour, eh? Wanker!
So next fookin' Christmas, i'm gonna stake out my little nieces fookin' bedroom with the kind of traps last seen impaling G.I's in trashy Viet-War films! That'll teach the fat beardy over-rated reindeer-molester and child-stalker! Oyes!
However, all will be forgiven, if next year the items listed below are "delivered" to Saturnyne Mansions forthwith and great speed and stuff. Failing that, i will sleep with anyone who will buy me this loveliness. How can you resist?!? How?!?!
1 A pair of these
The observant and totally hip amongst you will know that this years fashion is black with spirally bits thrown in, creating an avant-garde throwback to the cosmopolitarianism of the metrognomic '60's... or something bollocks like that.
And to finish, i am aware that i have been left several msg's in the post below, all unread as yet, and all of which i will bat my eyelashes cutely upon while i mock/adore with my usual enthusiasm (ie: eyes rolling, and begging Gods forgiveness for past sins and various other carnal acts, pleeease!)
And no i'm not telling you what i've been doing all this time. Ok, you can have a clue: Nothing.
Mwah's all round!