26.9.04 | The Horror In The Castle Kitchen

Gather round, gentle readers, while i recount the night of dreadful terror that befell me recently in my own home... My own home, i say!

A storm is coming. I feel it in my blood. In my bones. I shiver, and wrap my long coat around me tighter pulling the collar up to ward off the worst of the fierce chill winds, that even now are pulling my slender form around. Briefly i gaze up into the night sky, seeking a hope of starlight beyond the gloom of these heavy-laden rainclouds.
I step away from the battlements and gatehouse as the first freezing raindrops bite into my face.

Walking swiftly across the courtyard towards the light of the kitchen, my eyes are drawn to something fluttering 'gainst the kitchen window. Why, 'tis a large Deaths-Head moth. An Acherontia Atropos. It is struggling valiantly with the wind and driving rain. It is dying. Unless... in a burst of sudden sympathy for the creature, i quickly catch it in my cupped hands, struggle awkwardly with the kitchen door and release it onto a nearby cupboard. I am not overly fond of insects in my kitchen at the best of times, especially the fluttery kind, so i am surprised at my charity.

It seems to be resting for the moment. I lean in a little, the more easily to study it's beautiful and fragile wings and body. Gerald (for so i have Christened him. Obvioulsy a "him") warily stares back at this giant of me. I do hope he's sufficiently grateful enough for this sanctuary to not trouble me while i prepare my evening meal (or "Tea" as we Sykers call it).

Gerald-Moth barely moves, while i set about preparing myself a yummy salad. Carrots: check. Onions check. Lettuce and other crap: checky-check. I gingerly pull the carrots out of the fridge, and reach for an onion.
The phone rings.
Distracted, i head into the lounge to answer. Not so distracted that i don't shut the kitchen door to prevent Moth wanderage, though.
It's Pumpkin. We have a brief but lively discussion about what should be done with my body once i'm dead. The conversation ends with me regretfully informing her that she'll have to sort out the pulleys and levers with the taxidermist herself, if that's what she really wants... but more on that another time...

I head back into the kitchen, wondering idly how Gerald is doing..perhaps he's peeling the onion in gratitude for my saving his mothy life... Upon opening the kitchen door though, i immediately sense that there is something terribly wrong.
And then a wave of hatred washes over me, so thick and intense that i am left retching and gasping for breath. Brought to my knees by it's sheer ferocity. Aaaa!
I sense their presence, then. Their malevolent aura, reaching out to consume all life. The warm kitchen air must have roused them. Damn my foolishness. I must think quickly. Or all is lost!

What to do? This is a fine pickle i'm in and no mistake. But luck seems to be with me, for the moment. I am not yet under aerial assault, nor a direct mind onslaught so they must not have yet become aware of me. Making a mental note never to underestimate the forces of darkness again, i settle down and calmly assess the situation.

I need a weapon. If i recall, i'd left a very sharp knife on the worktop. That would do the trick. I risk a glance. Yes! But Nooo!- my enemies ares sitting 'tween me and their destruction and my salvation!
Then i remember Gerald.
New plan!

"Distract them!" i yell enthusiastically to Gerald, and leap into action.

Pirouetting with the grace and skill you'd only find in an Aardvaark, i dance my way along the kitchen shelves, and somersault perfectly, to land in a twisted heap of cracking bones, erupting fountains of blood and twitching ganglia. Ah, i forgot about the kettle.
Oh, well, but my prize is within reach and i set upon my nemesis with vigour, my blade disdainfully smoking with bloody execution. Singing my battle chant; "Caangechewaddamayed..."

No quarter is asked. None given.

At last i am done. I gaze wearily at the heavily mutilated bodies of my foe. It was a long vicious struggle. Could've gone either way, i think, philosophically.

"Bloody carrots! They're always getting ideas above their station. Hey, Gerald- Ya wanna bit o' carrot?" I bloodily wave a small chunk of very dead carrot at Gerald, who has very nobly not moved an inch during the whole confrontation... now there's a moth who likes to stand his ground...

(look, i was bored, ok?!? i thought it would be fun to write about my heroic confrontation with the carrots. It's not like i haven't warned you about how dangerous they are... you'll thank me one day. No really, you will! I deserve a medal!)



  2:13 pm :. Blogger Lizzy hollered thusly:

LMAO! Right dude, at least your boredom takes you to interesting places. =P

  7:25 pm :. Blogger Princess Potty Mouth hollered thusly:

My Hero... I thought there for a moment that you were a gonner... I am so glad to hear your tail or triumph!!!... I am even more glad to know that the moth was saved from such a dreadful evening... however... I bid the good night as well... hello pumpkin

  8:46 pm :. Blogger Janey hollered thusly:

In heroic terms, I think you're on a par with john Constantine. But not as played by Keanu Wooden Head.

  3:13 pm :. Blogger Cece hollered thusly:

I was LITERALLY laughing my FUCKING ass off on that one. I was totally picturing you and your mothy sidekick. omigosh. Now I want rain and wind and TEA! LOVE IT! I saw you...anime-like with your long coat swirling around you Matrix-style...leaping and flipping and flopping! aaaaaaah!

  5:14 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

yeah... like an Aardvark.


  5:42 pm :. Blogger my sun sets to rise again hollered thusly:

Whew! Thats more excitement that I can take.

Aww, I love moths. Which is great because my sister it completely petrified by them. Muahahaha!

  6:17 am :. Blogger me hollered thusly:

I was just hoping the story didn't end with the moth hiding in between the exact leaves of lettuce you were taking a bite of at the precise moment it decided to regain consciousness and fly to the back of your throat in a mad flurry, thereby choking you.. and killing you.

But, I guess if that had happend, you wouldn't be around to blog about it..

  6:41 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Yeah, the moth did that later. I died.

This is a ghost-writer. *groan* terribly joke...

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25.9.04 | Youuuu arrrre feeeeling verrr zzzsssleeepyyy

Nyom nyom nyom...
(followed by)
*pathetic groan*
(and then!)
*even more pathetic groan*

Following a long night of trying to add some mods to my blog. And failing. Despite a very generous amount of patience and time from the efervescent Tam (thank-you, dear heart, even though it didn't work, and left me rather despondent for, oooh, half an hour...i at the very least owe you a boon)...

And then not being able to sleep. At all. And then a long day of shopping for food and a bloody mouse for fussy other computer... and then still not being able to sleep... i thought i would finish this elaborated story that i've been working on...

Except. i'm too tired. And irritable. And can't concentrate. Except on bizarre little things, like the fake grain effect on my desk, or patterns in dust motes as they float in front of my screen.
So i'm just gonna sit here. And wait for inspiration. Or sleep. Or anything... anything at all...

...time passes...

Did i tell anyone i wear mocassins and a kimono when lounging around the house? No? Ah well, there you go...

...time passes...


  9:53 pm :. Blogger Janey hollered thusly:

I grated my knuckle on a cheesegrater today. Just be grateful you didn't do that and watched dust instead.

And you really should have a pic of yourself within komono, just for us ladies...

  12:53 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

A pic, eh?

Perhaps we can have a vote on it.

Ten votes means i'll do it, sometime in the near future. (ie: before Christmas)
Twenty votes... er... means i'll not manipulate it in anyway...

Negative votes also count. (all those who vote negative receive personal thanks from me, and probably money, due to the fact that i hate the way i look in photos).


  8:38 am :. Blogger Jessie hollered thusly:

I'm feeling a bit ambivalent about the passing of time at the moment. A loved one has passed away, and time takes on a new meaning.

  4:28 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

ah, i'm sorry to hear that, Jessie.

I send ya, a virtual hug-thing.

  7:29 pm :. Blogger Princess Potty Mouth hollered thusly:

hmmm... I may have to give a negative vote .... just because I need money that badly at the moment... other wise i would be saying ... bring on the komono.... i'm out... yay dust

  3:31 pm :. Blogger Cece hollered thusly:

I hereby apply 10 votes to the cause only because you didnt say how many time we could vote individually. HA!

  7:01 pm :. Blogger Cece hollered thusly:

Uh wait a minute. I gotta add ONE more vote on that kimono picture to cancel out that previous negative vote. Okay. Voting ends now. 10 votes. You are SO busting out that kimono tonight. Get your tri-pod ready. You'll look lovely!

  7:06 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

THat's sneaky.

In that case i vote minus ten to cancel out all those "un-demo-cratic" votes that seem to have been cast!

This website is a dictatorship, after all.

  7:32 pm :. Blogger Cece hollered thusly:

Hey! What the...?!

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23.9.04 | Her


May 6th 1991

Running spinning haywire
Early morning drinking tea
On a garden bench; dew
Upon the grass (and i'm
So tired) catching blossom
From trees!- white and pink.
To be children again.
The moment is lost
In shivers; step into
Sunlight and warmth
And tranquility
I rest
And watch you
Chasing and laughing
Together, yet apart
From me. In love,
But only with love

And finally
In the noon-time
when you sleep
I touch your face,
Bid you farewell
And i am gone.
Carrying blossoms
Like memories
Of a morning
In the spring sun

-The Saturnyne. (May 1991)

three there were. two remain. one picture only.


  5:29 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2:33 pm :. Blogger Cece hollered thusly:

Oh my goshness. What a lovely lady!
Did you take that picture?

  8:00 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Yeah. She's one of my very best friends. She was the first person who accepted me for myself, without pre-conditions. And that's something i've always regarded most highly ever since.

  11:43 pm :. Blogger ophelia's nymph hollered thusly:

You already know what I think of that poem, but I don't mind saying once again that I think it's absolutely beautiful.

The photograph and subject is also astoundingly stunning. You have such talent as both a writer and photographer. I only hope neither goes unnoticed.

Many hugs. J xxx

  6:46 pm :. Blogger Cece hollered thusly:

Yes, especially that last piece of the poem. That part made me weak in the knees. Except I am sitting on my ass so I guess it made me weak in the ass, but that doesnt quite sound right so...it made me feel melty warm in my gullet.

  7:23 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

yeah, it seems everyone likes the last part... it's a pity i don't write poetry anymore...coulda gone pro... it mighta made me an extra £10 a year...


  10:12 pm :. Blogger Princess Potty Mouth hollered thusly:

I love it when you come up with those really great out of the blue good feeling poems... I like that one and I will be sure to share it with my darren... I'll make him enjoy it too lol

  1:25 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

thanks dearie! if it makes yer day that extra bit spesh, then i'm happy.

  3:21 pm :. Blogger Woman at the well hollered thusly:

My, your poem was at least surprising ... Could more people read it, and you´d probably be famous.
I rarely find poetry good - It´s something that is always on the verge of "dejá-vue", or vulgar. This poem is not. It´s dense, it´s musical, and, like the others have told you, it goes straight to your senses.
If i were you, I´d write more poetry.

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21.9.04 | Sex Test! (100% accuracy guaranteed)

...Unless your name begins with a "C" and then unfortunately you need the "What Root Vegetable Am I? " quiz.

... i did have to take it a few times... just to be sure... i guess it's only about 33% accurate if you're a Saturnyne...

Us Saturnynes are a strange breed, y'see... not of this Earth... WE make love through bold use of tentacles and spores...

So far i have fathered many perennials at garden centres, and "had" the odd squid off the South coast... just hope the Child Benefit Agency don't come knocking... it'll all get very complicated...


"proper" post due soon as i get my otherpc sorted... it's being a bastard, an' i've given it a good talking to...


  6:51 am :. Blogger Jessie hollered thusly:

Hey, there you are. I may take your test; but not while I'm at work. Which I am. Although my brain is at approximately 15% capacity so I'm toddling off home for a nap very shortly. Aah.

  4:37 pm :. Blogger SingleFin hollered thusly:

Good grief! It was right! And quick, not like those other ones. Woohoo!

  8:49 pm :. Blogger Cece hollered thusly:

THATS not a kitty.

  12:20 am :. Blogger Carl hollered thusly:

It turns out that I'm a parsnip.

  1:25 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

well spotted!


  4:35 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

well spotted! (2)

  9:37 am :. Blogger Janey hollered thusly:

Whilst you are undoubtably a manimal, you is also a star.

Much love /xxx

  9:00 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Well spotted! (3)


  10:59 pm :. Blogger Cece hollered thusly:

Somebody stop me! I can't stop looking at that HUGE TREE TRUNK PENIS! I am fascinated by it! I need help. Please post again soon so that HUGE TREE TRUNK PENIS won't be the first thing I see anymore! aaaaaaargh!

  1:53 am :. Blogger ophelia's nymph hollered thusly:

That's a tree trunk???!!!!!

I thought it actually was his penis. :(

  2:09 pm :. Blogger me hollered thusly:

By god, don't lumberjacks have anything better to do than carve humoungous, veiny penis'?

  3:25 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:


Ya should see the forests after they've been through.

Hundreds and hundreds of finely carved giant penii all swaying slightly in the winds...

  4:46 am :. Blogger me hollered thusly:

"penii". heh-heh.

< / beavisandbutthead>

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14.9.04 | Things i Nicked From Singlefin (part 1)

Thanks to Tom, who can be found somewhere on my links... have fun looking for him, and don't forget to say hello to the people who's pages you might happen upon accidentally, 'cause they're all interesting in their ways... must remember to ass dome more... weird i meant "add some more"... "Freudian Slip"? now i wonder how one "Ass-domes"...?

last one:

Series 1-8

Created by andy and taken 9176 times on bzoink!

[ series 1 ]
NameThe Saturnyne
Birthday9th of May sometime A.D... despite what Tam says... hee!
BirthplaceMy bedroom. My home. Harle Syke
Current LocationMy Lounge
Eye ColorHazel
Hair ColorDark Brown
Righty or LeftyAmby
Zodiac SignTaurus
FontSage or Tengwar
[ series 2 - your favorite ]
MusicIndie (see profile for specifics)
CartoonWill o' the Wisp
ColorRust (and black if we're not being pedantic)
CarI walk... wouldn't mind a moped or a Vincent Black Lightning though...
Slushy FlavorCranberry
MagazinePrivate Eye
TV ShowSpaced
Song at the MomentNYC by Interpol; (and then) ; Desolate Vision by The Latecomers
LanguagePoetically licensed English
Spice GirlAny. Do i get a choice of weapon?
Food & BeverageOmelette and a nice salad
Subject in SchoolAvoidance
Weekend ActivityMeeting Pumpkin for coffee
Frozen YogurtNever tried it
Roller CoasterAah! Ah! ah! Aaaaarrrrghhhhh... etc. ...AAAaaaaarghhhhhhhh!!!
[ series 3 - what is ]
Your most overused phraseBollocks! Fuck! Wankaah! Arse! Arsy Bollocks! Bollocks!
First thing you thought when you woke upBollocks!
Last image/thought you go to sleep withBollocks! erm... NOT an image.
First feature you notice of opposite sexeyes. then lips. then an all over job (viewing) with outright lechery.
Best name for a ButlerWank. Or Lucy.
Wussiest SportFor me. Sport is all about failure to get picked at school games. Especially when one scores nine goals the previous week. Fuck sport!
Your best featurePhysical; my eyes. Mental: my sense of humour
Your greatest fearLosing Pumpkin and growing old alone.
Your greatest accomplishmentloyalty and love in the face of adversity
Your most missed memorysitting on a garden bench somewhere on May 6th 1991 (d'ya wanna see th' poem?)
[ series 4 - you prefer ]
Pepsi or CokeArgh! Fizzy drinks! Avoid! Avoid!
McDonald's or Burger KingSee Spice Girls question above
Single or Group Datessingle
Adidas or Nikegimme sneaker pump type things any day
Chicken nuggets or Chicken fingersnope. don't think so.
Dogs or Catscats. CATS! Caaats!
Rugrats or Dougwhat a bollocks question!!!
Single or Takentricky question that sometimes... but single
Monica or Brandyumm... Barman, mine's a double Monica! Nah, brandy.
Tupac or Jay-ZTupacs already dead, isn't he? So Jay-Z... with ambient muzak through heart
Shania Twain or LeAnn Rhymesi'll do 'em both for ya. Laser scoped rifle ok with ya?
Lipton Ice Tea or NesteaThis is England! We'll have none of that foreign stuff here, thank-you!
One pillow or Twotwo. or one. mebbe none.
Chocolate or Vanillachoccie
Hot chocolate or Hot cocoammm... tricky one... can i have both?
Cappucino or Coffeecoffee
[ series 5 - do you ]
Shower everydayyes
Have a crushyeah... millions
Think you've been in lovei KNOW i have. So feck off with yr smarmy question
Want to go to collegenot again... but then i DO wanna learn Spanish
Like high schoolfuck right off!
Want to get marriedoh yes.
Type correctlyHahahahahaha!
Believe in yourselfno
Have any tattoos? Whereyeah, on me knuckles i have "Left" and "Righ"
Have any piercings? Wherewell once i had a sharp fragment of glass thrust rather hard into my right eye. Ansd also... mmm, no i don't think i'll talk about the other incident...
Get motion sicknessdepends if i've eaten or not... if i haven't, then yeah
Think you're a health freakno. yes. no
Get along with your parentsyes. no. yes, i love them
Like thunderstormsYes. And Thor is a neighbour. (true!)(No-really!)
[ series 6 - the future ]
Age your plan to be marriedany
Number and names of childrenElanor, Melicent (Of course they're gonna be girls! Haven't you seen what little shits the boys are!)
Where will you be at age 20nowhere. nowhere at all
Dream weddingmy local church. Then down to Singlefins favourite beach for some beach fun. Heyyy, Dude!
How do you want to diei don't care. i just want it to have some meaning to someone
Dream jobphotographer of artistically posed naked women
Country you'd like to visitNew Zealand. Canada. Iceland. in random order
[ series 7 - opposite sex ]
Best eye colordon't care
Best hair colorstill don't care
Short or long hairnope. not caring
Best heightequal to or shorter than me
Best weightaround mine... i'm around ten stone (and please don't ask what a "stone" is. Ok it's a dozen pebbles)
Best clotheswhatever she's happy with. i only care about the person wearing them
Best first date locationanywhere. If it's right we'll make our own entertainment
Best first kiss locationoooh! (Wicked grin.)
[ series 8 - other ]
Last time you slept with a stuffed animalpeversions? With stuffed animals? Good idea!
Rings before you answer the phoneanything under 5 (If i were you, i'd not let it ring beyond 5. Trust me on this...)
What's on your mousepadNo mousey mat here! We use mind control and sweetie prompts
How many houses you've lived inWhat do you mean by "lived"? Exactly?
How many schools you've gone toWhat do you mean by "gone to"? Exactly?
Bedroom carpet colorblack. mainly
Shave your head for $5,000?no problemo. i'll shave everything for that amount! Bring me that expensive camera NOW!
Stranded on a desert island. Take three things. No peopleThe Biography of Manuel by James Branch Cabell (i'm cheating here). A solar pwered ipod full of all my albums. Solar powered laptop with internet connection
Best time of your life so farBulgaria; Pumpkin-Time =]

Create a Survey Search Surveys Go to bzoink!

Aah, the joy of indecisiveness!!!


  4:33 pm :. Blogger ophelia's nymph hollered thusly:

Veee-ry interesting responses Mr Saturnyne. So you're not that fussy about the opposite sex then??? In that case I would be perfect for you. :P

I'll just sit here and wait for you to ask me out...

  5:32 pm :. Blogger SingleFin hollered thusly:

Solar powered laptop with internet connection... Handy.
Nah, I'll stick with the Rizla. Ho ho.

  6:30 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

aaa but i'd use my internet connection to send maydays, asking for vodka and other luxury items. "Rizlas? No problem mate!", they'd say. "Would ya like some weed with that?"

  8:09 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

ah. J.


yr such a flirt!

  2:49 am :. Blogger Lizzy hollered thusly:


  1:21 pm :. Blogger Tam hollered thusly:

I love that in PaulLand an omelette is, infact, a beverage.

  4:57 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Omelette- A beverage?!?!
i'm not drinking that!

  5:39 pm :. Blogger Darkchild hollered thusly:


Haha, the cat yeah!!

Uh..I dunno or it's still there...
Hehe ^-^

We aren't alowed to go to the basement and we said it to a teacher that there was a cat in there, but he said that wasn't a problem cause it would go his own way anyway...

The problem is that we don't know or it can come out on it's own....

Uhm..may I ask you where this post is exactly about??

  6:16 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Hi D'child. "where"? or do you mean "what"? Or do you mean "who"?

THe post is a questionnaire about me. A quiz thing. Hope that helps. Feel free to ask some more if this answer doesn't make sense. I DO remember that English isn't your first language, so i'll do my best to answer clearly.


  2:17 pm :. Blogger SingleFin hollered thusly:

Ommelete, beverage? What is this heresy?

  11:44 am :. Blogger Tam hollered thusly:

Oh, this may be my bad, when he answered 'Omelette and a nice salad' to the 'Favourite Food & Beverage' question -- perhaps, just perhaps, the SALAD was meant to be the beverage, such are the wonders of PaulLand.

  1:38 pm :. Blogger SingleFin hollered thusly:

Salad? Beverage? What is this heresy?

Ah'm a-gonna find me a pitchfoik!

  3:23 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

umm.... liquid lunch anyone? Salad smoothies? No? In my delight at telling all and sundry about my love of yummy omelettes, i..may... have omitted, um, to menrtion my favourite bev.

Am currently debating with self if i can get away with the idea of "drinking salads"... and hoping no-one notices...

  9:10 pm :. Blogger Princess Potty Mouth hollered thusly:

How does one go about an "ass dome" can it be used in the past tence "ass domed" or "ass doming" or would that be spelled with an "e".... i wonder... hmmm

  6:15 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

aaah! nuthin' like a bit of ass-doming!

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11.9.04 | The Proms (The Last Night)

Watching the telly earlier, and happened upon the BBC's "Last Night Of The Prom's", live from The Royal Albert Arse. Jaw dropping stuff.

"The Proms" for all foreign readers of this blog, is a season of classical music, run by the BBC, that lasts for several weeks, and culminates in an evening of rounding up all the inbred abominations of the upper and middle classes and letting them out of the secret castle rooms of shame for the evening, so they can watch an orchestra playing all the classical "hits"... or something like that...

Haven't seen so many inbred toffs and inbred wannabe toffs all in the same place together, in like, well it must be exactly a year...

And why are they all bobbing up and down? Why? Why? In God's name, Why? It seems to me, that not only have they been shagging their nearest and dearest, but that somehow, they've been doin' the rounds in the local seabird colonies, too! Ye've surely seen the wildlife prog's, where David Attenborough whispers cheerfully along the excreta strewn clifftops, surrounded by mad Gannets ritually bobbing and waving their beaks to each other as they take turns feeding their chicks vomit, right? (With a straight face, too. A-mazing guy!)

Same difference...

just less vomming. Or maybe more. I dunno... there did seem to be a few lush people there (Lush= drunkard... also name of fab indie band from several years ago). Alas that they didn't show any of that... i definitely think it would be worth the license fee to see all these middle and upper classes vomming rhythmically into their childrens upturned, expectant and greedy faces! Oyes!

And bobbing! Skillfully out of time to the music!

Can't wait for the next one.
Only 364 days to go...


  12:07 pm :. Blogger Janey hollered thusly:

The Proms.....! My poor boy! Mind you, I spent Sat night with a friend, two bottles of red wine, chocolate and the Antique Rock Show on Radio 2, so I have no grounds to snigger!

  3:13 pm :. Blogger SingleFin hollered thusly:

Good grief. Saturday night saw me vomitting, hollering and bobbing out of time to the music! However, I'm not posh and I wasn't at the proms. Rather, I'm common as pigshit and was at a mates post wedding ceilidh. Woo! Traditional Scottish acid house rave!

  3:34 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

i'm sure, what you were doing was completely diff' to the bloody slaughter i saw. I'm sure people used to pay entry into places like Bedlam to see this kind of behaviour...

  6:45 pm :. Blogger Woman at the well hollered thusly:

Hi, Sat

Thanks for being ... what you are.
I deleted your post by mistake, sometimes we do silly things accidentally, not on purpose like most of the times.
I wish you all the best Saturdays in your life.

  8:14 pm :. Blogger modern monkey hollered thusly:

hi :) i have no time to read your notes, but i promise i'll reform ;)
thank you for your visits :)

  12:45 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

THanks for that, Marlene (did i get your name right? i was looking at your profile.) 'tis a mistake that's easily made. I'm always deleting things by accident... an' i'm sure i wouldn't have been offended anyway. Especially as you leave me the kindest comments!

An' nice of our Modern Monkey to make a reappearance, too! Hope yr well, grrl!

Y'know,at times like this i feel there's a regular little community aroud me, of very generous hearted, free-thinking people whom i like immensely and without reservation... one kinda gets all gooey and heartfelt inside. Erg! An' that's why i swear. =}

no really!

  2:00 am :. Blogger Jessie hollered thusly:

Proms... sounds lame. Sorry. Nice cat shots. I am so getting a digital camera one of these days. Still waiting to be told which to buy though.

It's BEAUTIFUL here today but I am chained to my desk...

Forgive me, perhaps I skim-read, but what is "vomming"? My guess is it's short for vomitting. But I think I'm wrong... my flatmate has a tendency to abbreviate, eg. last night we were discussing a friend's job prospects and she said, "What quallies does she have?" As in qualifications. Gah.

  5:27 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

yup you guessed right... 'tis indeed "upchucking"!

if ya want advice on digital cameras, ask an' i'll send you a link to an excellent review site or even advise ya... yr not the first one to ask this in the past 24 hours... lol...
my camera isn't digital though... My film scanner is what allowed me to get my pics onto the pc. very high res scans, too... although not necessary for a webpage... i make prints though, and it IS necessary for doing A3...

  9:04 pm :. Blogger Cece hollered thusly:


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| Regal Pussy. (chillin' by the fire)

Charlotte taken with 3200 speed film

She's small an' cute an' well 'ard!


  11:04 am :. Blogger The Prisoner hollered thusly:

cats! woo, cool pics matey

  7:34 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Praise! Praise is Gooood!

  11:30 pm :. Blogger Princess Potty Mouth hollered thusly:

I'm ill... nice pussies... cute indeed... way better then penis' ... i mean dogs ... um yeah toodles

  12:01 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

yaay! elogio del moe! L'elogio è molto buono!

  2:22 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

PS: If peeps wanna leave comments beneath their favourite cat picture, that'd be cool...

  10:28 am :. Blogger SingleFin hollered thusly:

Oooh, looks like a little minx this one... mmmrraaow!

  8:58 pm :. Blogger Cece hollered thusly:

Did you TELL her to give you a sexy pose or did she do that all on her own? If only I could look that hot while striking an 'over the shoulder' glance...

  9:12 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

it was all a matter of timing. And waiting... and waiting... and waiting...

plus, the film i used is very very fast (light sensitive), thus negating the use for flash, which can be quite disconcerting for th' pussies. And also allows me to use a fast shutter speed. So no blur

Plus, y'know letting the cats get used to the camera... (they were already used to me. And very friendly)

  10:17 pm :. Blogger Cece hollered thusly:

Yeah but I liked thinking she was just posing sexy for you. Beautiful girl. I want to stuff my face in her fur and blow out little puffs of air. Yummy kitty. It makes my nose crinkle just looking at her.

  3:27 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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| Mad Pussy Luxuriating

Prudence ...using a Canon EOS5 slr

She likes rubbing up against things... or did when she was alive... *sigh*

Check those teeth out! Barmy cat!


  5:00 am :. Blogger Jessie hollered thusly:

Prudence looks lovely. I want to read your list of stuff from Singlefin but I should get back to work so I'm just going to give you this link I found ... cute huh!!

  6:35 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

nice link.... awww... poor cat, tho'... being made to dress up like that!

Glad you like Prudence. She was a wonderful wonderful cat.

  5:44 am :. Blogger B hollered thusly:

really gorgeous kitties!

  5:53 am :. Blogger B hollered thusly:

thanks for visiting my blog! photography is my favorite hobby (and my cats are my fave subject), so i will be posting many of my pictures over time. i hope you will visit and comment on more of my photos, as i am always looking for feedback. i've enjoyed your blog and bookmarked your site! thanks again!

  6:07 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Hah! Well, it just so happens that i've done the same bookmarking thing with your blog!

touche! (um, everyone imagine that the "e" on the end of "touche" has a little squiggle or something above it, as i can't be arsed looking for it...)

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| Noble And Heroic Pussy

Jude ...and also developed by Yours Truly

Jude. Twin brother of Prudence. See the heroic pose... He knows how to present his best side to the camera, does Jude. The only cat i am aware of who catches bats... unique technique, too... runs up tree with snoozing bat in... runs along branch with blissfully unaware and chillin' out bat "safely" tucked underneath. Drops off branch and grabs bat on the way past... cue much unhappiness on bat's part...

Gettin' on a bit now. All cats owned by wonderful friend Lian... along with five others... dunno how she does it! All that AND coping with useless-round-the-house-boyfriend!

The Saturnyne is blessed with many wonderful friends, he thinks. Amazing, really, when you consider what a pain in the arse he is... frequently...


  12:41 pm :. Blogger Tam hollered thusly:

Yikes, how tight is that collar? Desn't matter though, the pic is clearly doctored with the latest in MS Paint technology.

  6:15 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

ah, i'd never noticed the collar thing... but Jude really does have very heavy and thick fur... he was perfectly happy... i however had a stiff neck and carpet burns on me knees from crawling around the floor at cat height all day...

No doctoring. Apart from increasing the contrast a little... oh and removing the stray dust mark... plus the flying saucer that had inadvertently strayed into the frame...

  9:02 pm :. Blogger Cece hollered thusly:

ah ha! My kitty, Triskal (God Rest Her Soul) was a mighty bat-killer. She left three on our doorstep in total. I saw her bring down the last, it was flying low in our courtyard and she leapt up into the air in Full Cat Glory and landed atop it. Thusly ending its life.

  9:18 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Wow, i bet that took some timing on her part! One of my friends other cats (she has 9 currently), also seems adept at catching House Martins, and that's almost as difficult sa bats... she was telling me earlier in fact, that she had two flying around inside her living room... he musta got bored of one and gone out for another.

Fortunately she was able to release them from their doom back out into the free air.

  10:22 pm :. Blogger Cece hollered thusly:

I suppose it did. She was fond of crouching in the grass and wiggling her butt in anticipation. As you know, cats do the butt-wiggle just prior to pouncing. So these bats would dive-bomb us anytime we tried to night swim and she knew that was their habit so she just waited it out. When I saw her butt wigggle, I knew it was all over.

  4:54 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

ah yeah. The wiggle! Know what ya mean... i miss it half the time... guess our cats over here are good at hiding it.

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7.9.04 | My Band Tours- Go See Them...

... Or i'll fucking kill you!

Ok... mebbe i won't...

Actually i won't have to, because if you ever missed them, and then one day realised that what you'd missed was the most astonishing and moving performance of your worthless and meaningless existence, then you'd kill yerself anyway. I promise.

Of course i'm talking about American Music Club, here. If you're a regular reader of my site, then you'll remember my previous post...

Reasons to love A.M.C.

1. Their singer and songwriter, Mark Eitzel. Here is a man who encapsulates all human love and joy and suffering. This is a man who has actually lived his songs. And during gigs he plays them out for you. This man has actually bled onstage for his performance, and he didn't even notice! I watched him practically destroy his voice for his audience one night, when he was suffering from a severe throat infection. We the audience wept with rapture at the beauty he created for us. And then he apologised. for not singing so well. He's a fucking god amongst men. He doesn't have just one muse- he has ALL of them!

2. They sound like all of your favourite bands ever. And none of them at all. Using every music genre available, from blues to jazz to rock to everything... and they still have their own sound.

3. Who else could write a desolate lovesong song with a title like "What Godzilla Said To God When His Name Wasn't Found In The Book Of Life"? Eh? No-one!

4. ditto: Johnny Mathis' Feet

5.ditto: the self-effacing In My Role as the Most Hated Singer in the Local Underground Music Scene.

6. And who else could have the skill to use a chorus like this:

"The world is held together by the wind
That blows through Gena Rowland's hair".

and make it just about one of the most aching laments to love that you've ever heard?

7. Sample song lyrics: A song from their new album. Loss and dying love has never sounded so profound, or so painful... if you actually go out and buy the new album, called "Love Songs For Patriots" and actually listen to it then you'll understand that these mere words cannot convey the beauty of it...

Myopic Books

One day
I left my room in the evening
It was freezing, a sidewalk shining
But it was okay - I wasn't lonely
I wasn't no one, I was just hoping
for a bookstore, like the one I prayed for
and the music they'd play there
would be Dinosaur Jr.
and the people who worked there
would be super skinny
and super unfriendly -
and that would make me happy
That would make me happy

And what really kills me, is I'm only lonely
when I talk to you, yeah I should have told you
I just can't handle, your endless sorrow
All I wanted from you
was some tomorrow
But it's okay - I'll find a bookstore
and buy Saul Bellow
and one about old ruins
for my mother, You never met her -
she liked Manhattans.
they taste like mouthwash
she understood how to be
alone, all alone
All alone

Maybe the worst is over
Maybe the worst is over
Maybe the worst is over
Maybe the worst is over

One day
I left my room in the evening
The sun had just gone down,
but the sky was still shining
and not even the stars out,
up in their heaven
could throw their ashes
on the blue still burning
over this ugly city -
and that makes me happy
and that makes me happy
and that makes me happy
that makes me happy.

8. i have just been given this news by their management:

"Love Songs For Patriots" has just been released in the UK and Europe by Cooking Vinyl - So far the response has been overwhelming; 5 star/Album of the Month in Uncut, 4 Stars in German Rolling Stone, 4 stars in The Guardian, 9 out of 10 in TNT, 8 out of 10 in Classic Rock. I guess you can say the critics like it?"

9. Look, just fecking go out and buy the damn thing, ok? And then check out their website and see if they're touring near you... i am also reliably informed that they're touring in the U.K. later in the year too...

10. And if having bought it, you find that you don't like it, don't come whining to me because you have a small pebble for a heart!

11. Um, you don't think that was too passionate a list, do you? Didn't go over the top, did i?
(grins embarrasedly). Well they are my band. An' i love 'em with all my band-lovin' heart. More importantly, i wanna share that with you who read this misbegotten website.

12.Take care. One and all. The Saturnyne loves you too, in his way.


  12:58 pm :. Blogger Janey hollered thusly:

They only got three stars in Q. And The Independent. But see - I was looking! And both spoke highly of the band.

  2:54 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

"Q" tchah! Bunch o' tossers who probably only played it the once... Same as The Independent!


For the definitive review, go read the one in Uncut. Now that guy obviously knows what he's talking about...

  3:53 am :. Blogger ophelia's nymph hollered thusly:

Take care. One and all. The Saturnyne loves you too, in his way.Does that include me? :D

  7:33 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

In my "genius" way, i have three answers for you

1. I refer the right honourable (yet saucy) young lady to the comment i made earlier. (I've been watching Prime-Ministers question time. Y'know i really wish they'd swear sometimes. Y'know they want to. I can see it now... "May i remind the Right Honourable Member for Scunthorpe (south) that he realy is an utter cunt. And not only that, but his wife is cheating on him. With me.Mainly because he has a small penis, as i am reliably informed." heheheh!

2. The Saturnyne makes no distinctions in his love. But loves all equally and with compassion. He believes even a person who has comitted terrible acts of cruelty and greed may be redeemed. Of course if someone's behaving like a fucker, then he'll still call them a fucker...

3. Buy me a drink (preferably a nice cocktail in a tall glass, with straw and umberella and other accoutrements) and i'll definitely consider it... =}

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| "Harle What?" "Harle Where?" Harle Syke Dammit!

(Free stalking map included with this post! Yaay!)

Never heard of Harle Syke, have you? Think it's a mythical place, somewhat akin to Atlantis or Camelot or Milton Keynes, perhaps?

Well th' Saturnyne will explode this mythery and ignorance of his home right in yer face, rather like the "money shot" in a top porn film. And he will show you where he lives, an' mebbe not in this post, but certainly in future posts he will expound on the heritage and culture of his little part of the world... with as straight a face as possible...

Firstly. Maps:

I live in the county of Lancashire, in the North West of England.

Here's another lovely map, if you look a little north of the city of Manchester you will see the milltown of Burnley. I live in a village suburb of Burnley. Well, when i say "live" i really mean erm "exist"... in the vaguest possible sense...

Here's a funky aerial view map of Harle Syke. It zooms in and out in a most saucy fashion. (If the map doesn't work for you it's probably because of... er, technical stuff). Map map map!

(This last map seems to work and then not work.. sometimes saying that "there are no aerial photographs of this area"... but it lies. It Lies! Or mebbe not, as looking at the map it seems to be in the middle of the Atlantic or something. Ok. Try this: Maaaaap! and ignore the redcircle, because it's sooo wrong. Bloody map-maakers!)

Notice the pleasant greenery and nice little river running along the bottom. My castle is situated somewhere near the centre near the church and the mill. The Saturnyne spent a very pleasant childhood in all these places. Ahhh, One reminisces even now...

Secondly... ah... well there is no secondly... mainly because it's past my bedtime, and mainly, all i really wanted to do was show that last funky map.

So proof that Harle Syke really exists... unless i made all these webpages up in a gigantic hoax...

PS: shame on you for clicking on that money shot expecting who-knows-what-kind-of-sleaze?!?! You pervert! You wait 'til i tell your mum! This is a nice decent website. We'll have no shim-sham here, thank you very much!


  5:59 am :. Blogger Lizzy hollered thusly:

Hah, right, that was informative.

I've never even smelt England... yet. Soon, hopefully. If money permits.

And... there are currently no aerial photographs for this area? ^_~

  6:15 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Hi Lizzie! i posted on your own blog recently...

funny i just noticed the map thing saying that very same message to me. TO MEEE! How dare it?!?!?

and then i saw your own msg. hehe.

  11:24 am :. Blogger SingleFin hollered thusly:

It is a real place! I'm astounded! I don't really see why I should be, though, living in a place called Aberystwyth...

Now, let me find my stalking shoes...

  10:42 pm :. Blogger Jessie hollered thusly:

I couldn't open your links, but I found this image, and lo and behold if it didn't ask if I wanted to "Buy this area"!!

Apparently it just meant a picture of it.

  12:37 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Dang! The links aren't working for you? Well i'm a bit disappointed... i wonder if it's to do with people using different web browsers...? *sigh* My apologies to anyone not able to view the myriad "wonders" of my little part of the world

But hey Jessie, neat bit o' work finding that Harle Syke is "for sale"... i was much amused at that... i live somewhere in the middle od all those lines of terraced houses... the big square blocks are probably (without looking at the map) the old weaving mills, now converted to other uses... one's a museum!

  5:10 pm :. Blogger my sun sets to rise again hollered thusly:

Not so very far away from me then.

I wish Harle Sykes was a fictional place, it just sounds insanely cool, maybe like a character in a Neil Gaiman book. The reality, i fear, will never measure up :(

  9:45 pm :. Blogger Princess Potty Mouth hollered thusly:

I think that if we all just ignore the links we can still pretend it is an imaginary place... i never opened the links.. i'm sure i've seen what i need to though... and i laugh at all of you because none of you ever had to live in "Waubaushene" *said in giant booming man voice*... often riduculed and called washing machine by some of my closest friends.. i i lived in the tiny village for way too much of my insignificant life.. oh well though i spose its all in how you see it... I feel as though i am not nearly as popular as i once was when it comes to blogging latly... i dont think ppl like me anymore... hmm.. oh well.. got to go and clean.... stupid stinky apartment. i mean castle... i realy do live in a castle now... woohoo.. and its better then yours

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3.9.04 | Rose For a Lady (Who?)

The Saturnyne's Rose


  3:23 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

The Saturnyne smiles. He is nothing if not charming.

  12:10 pm :. Blogger Tam hollered thusly:

I've always thought there was something subversive and pervy about roses in full bloom. Orchids are the worst though. Border-line pornographic they are!

  2:18 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Yeah, you can almost hear them moaning, "Stroke my sepals" or "Fondle my filaments". Yup, they're practically gagging for a good hard pollination!

Personally, all that matters to me is that my piccie drives you wild with desire for my "attention"... er...

"Rose for a Lady" he certainly did... he rose for ALL the ladies!

Ho ho ho!

More bad puns and sexual innuendos "coming up" later...
(Oh, i kill me... well i like to get in ahead of the queue)

  3:58 pm :. Blogger SingleFin hollered thusly:

"Orchid" comes from the Latin worf for "testicle" I shit you not...

  3:58 pm :. Blogger SingleFin hollered thusly:

"Worf" comes from the English word "word" by way of bad typing...

  6:47 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:


...mmm doesn't have the same ring as "Bollocks"

"Hello ladies, d'you wanna come upstairs and see mai Orchid collection? Ay keep it next to mai etchings, y'know... yew don't speak latin bai any chance, dew yew?

(free pseudo posh voice included with this comment! At NO extra charge!)

  4:10 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

"worf" is also how dogs bark down in Somerset and Devon isn't it?

And Dyslexic dogs, too... from other parts of the country...

  2:27 pm :. Blogger Tam hollered thusly:

You're both wrong, Worf is the son of Mogh and later from the House of Martok. I don't know what that means but its all here.

  7:00 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Argh! Lose a million points for even hinting at Star Trek uncoolness!

Worf, is also an anagram of "Fwor!" Which also sounds like Phwoar! Which is probably the utterance i'd give if i ever saw a yummy Tam walking down the street... or a carrot... a carrot in a pencil skirt... walking down the street... er... i think i need less alcohol in my diet methinks... or more... can't decide which is more fun...

  5:23 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

I know this is a bit sad, but i don't wanna blog for a few more days yet, because i enjoy looking at my rose so much... it's just soo gorgeous against that black background... mmmmmmmmm

  7:54 pm :. Blogger Starbuck hollered thusly:

My father-in-law-to-be has got banana trees in his garden (rare in Britain but true), and I tell you, the trunk of those things as they come into bloom and start budding up nanas is obscene in the extreme.

Makes bananas themselves look quite prudish!

  1:57 am :. Blogger Jessie hollered thusly:

Nice rose. Nice innuendo! I used to have a Queen t-shirt from the Innuendo album.

  2:47 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Oooh, thankee Jessie! I "Did" it all by myself you know...

Hoho! (Stop me when this starts to hurt. Too late? Did someone just whisper "too late"? haha!)

  2:55 am :. Blogger Jessie hollered thusly:

// I "Did" it all by myself you know...

Okay, enough already!!

  3:01 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Awww! *pouts*

I had loads more just waiting to be unleashed on an unsuspecting world...


  8:04 pm :. Blogger Darkchild hollered thusly:

Yeah, your right. Humans have to much pride indeed (And me included)

Hehe, I know I'm posting a lot. But that's the result of having to much spare time and nothing useful to do ^-^

And there are some things I'd really like to write about...
(Although they may not be very...uhm..intelligent or so..)

(And now I've forgotten what else I wanted to say... :$)

  1:40 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Hi, Darkchild. A pleasure to see you dropping by my little place on the web. You're always welcome here. Hope ya like my rose.

And don't worry about writing things that are dumb. I don't. In fact i think about over 90% of my blog is incredibly dumb. but so what. I still enjoy writing it. It still gives me a release.

And besides, at your age, you are allowed to be dumb as you want, i think. But anyway, i don't think you are.

Have a hug. Have a look around. I hope my site gives you a smile or a laugh.

By the way. Yr English is great!

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