24.12.04 | Christmas Post (Part 1.5: Merry Christymas Yer Arse! Yaay!)

Well well well.

Another year draws rapidly to another heartstopping close... but first... Christmas. And an especial Merry Christmas to all our friends and readers in the Southern Hemisphere, who are currently having some nice weather... how i look on you with envy.

An especially fond thought to a fabulous lady living in Brazil. Everyone go say "Hi!" Her blog is written with superbness! And is better by far than that trashy novel that your unimaginative realtive has bought you for Crimbo.

Dear Santa (and Mr God where applicable)
Thanks awfully for that lovely lovely iPod thing, which i just know you're gonna drop down the chimney (Carefully of course). I am of course especially grateful to you for ignoring (You have ignored, haven't you?) the letters stating that i have changed my name to "Tam", and that i am living in Auckland, New Zealand. And while there may possibly be such a person in that locale, i am sure that you in your Zen-like calm, know that they would much prefer something else...

But prezzies aside. Although they're fun and important, what i really want you to bring to all my friends (linked and yet-to-be linked) plus the "many" other readers of this site, is a sense of the festive spirit, which i fear is being drowned under an avalanche of buying and commercialism (iPod notwithstanding). And if you can't quite manage that, could you bung them some moments of blissful happiness. Please? I'd like that very much. I'd even consider giving my 'Pod to the needy if you did that... certainly i'd be more charitable to everyone.

Also Santa, could you have a word with Him/Her Up There? Y'see, i've been looking for Him/Her for a very very long time now. And i'm kinda tired. I haven't found anything yet that i can truly believe in. Not myself. And certainly not the majority of the human race. Have you seen what they do?!? Dreadful things. Sometimes in His/Her name! And the lies! The lies!!!

Anyway, I'm not asking for a burning bush speaking in some old language... just... something... (Although a 2nd coming might be nice...)

Thanks Santa. I hope this message finds you well. Hope that diet worked out well- although i did hear scurrilous rumours that you'd got obsessed with that Atkinsons Diet, and in a fit of pique, had eaten Rudolf and the other reindeers... but i'm sure they were just that. Rumours.
The Saturnyne

PS: if yer bored between continents, and i know it's a long night for you, i thought i'd include some little Weebl and Bob cartoons below, with you in mind. We all need a bit of a laugh from time to time.
PS: It's just been pointed out to me that you're very unlikely to be connected to the internet during all that flying, so this post may be in vain.
PPS: But i just know that someone like you will be all hip to all the modern technologies, and are bound to have yer own laptop, with yer own super-efficient Santasoft O.S. installed, and a wi-fi worldwide connection to the web. How could you not?!?

Irritatingly cute Christmas Song! by the late Wesley Wills

Weebl And Bob At Christmas

More Weebl And Bob At Christmas!

Fabulous Advent Calendar Bollocks! 24 little windows to clicky-click!
(lemme know if ya have probs with this link)

What The Fuck?!?

Gah! I've just realized that, this post slightly rips off one of my earlier one's from waaay back.


Anyway. May your God(s) bless you and all who sail in you. Good luck. Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. More love (again...)


  6:02 am :. Blogger Dani hollered thusly:

And a very merry Christmas to YOU! ((((You))))
You're a ray of sunshine. :-)

  6:04 am :. Blogger Dani hollered thusly:

Oh, I almost forgot - thanks for the linky.
"Natural Nature Angel"... I dig that. :-)

  6:33 am :. Blogger Lizzy hollered thusly:

Blessed Christmas! =)

  8:52 am :. Blogger Starbuck hollered thusly:

Hope you have a wonderful Traditional-Pagan-Festival yourself, Mr S, "and a happy new year".

  3:56 pm :. Blogger my sun sets to rise again hollered thusly:

Have a good un clart :p

  5:08 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

hah, i just had to alter me post... it never is right first time around... lol

Anyways, the "fabulous lady" link is working now. Huzzah, so ya can al go and say "hi" again now...


  6:45 am :. Blogger Jessie hollered thusly:

Don't be envious of us in Wellington, NZ. Summer remains elusive for the second year running. At this rate I'll be moving north... It's actually been snowing in various parts of the country!
Thanks for the Weebl links too! Hope you're having a nice Boxing Day. I spent much of mine at the national museum - very absorbing.

  3:30 am :. Blogger B hollered thusly:

hope you had a good christmas.
my dad got my mom a mini iPod. she didn't even know what it was for- hehe! when i saw it i was envious and decided that i want one now! when he gave it to her, i thought about you and wondered what your christmas is like- any traditions in your family? is your family's 'tradition' to be 'un-traditional'? is 'un-traditional' even a word?
in any case, hope you had a nice holiday.
the very best of wishes to you for a happy new year!!

  4:13 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

So, jessie, would that be "absorbing" in the same way that a sponge is absorbing? I still think i'd prefer N.Z. and Wellington to here at the moment... i can't remember the last time i saw the sun... it's been grey skies and rain, since it stopped snowing.

B. No traditions in our family. While i adore my folks, they are singularly lacking in imagination.


An iPod mini, eh? Ni-ice! Don't the things look gorgeous? Am amazed at how much my 20gig version accomodates. I've thrown 60+ albums on it so far and it's not even a 3rd full! Plenty of room for all my indie singles and everything...

Hope yer having a nice time in yer respectiv parts of the world.


  8:33 pm :. Blogger Cece hollered thusly:

Hey its sunny over here but it snowed for the first time in 100 years on Christmas Day. For some reason that seemed malevolent to me.

  9:46 am :. Blogger me hollered thusly:

Hope you got your ipod! I got my trip to see my sis & dad for the first time in 20 years, so I'm right chuffed. :)

  9:28 pm :. Blogger stella hollered thusly:

If it's any consolation to anyone out there - I didn't get an ipod either...


but then again, I don't think I even know how to work one anyways.

  6:13 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Hiya Stella.

BAh! Effin' Ipod! It's not working due to the effing cable that's meant to connect to the mains and recharge it being a faulty bastardo... so all i've got at the moment is an expensive and pretty ornament. Still, it WAS nice for the two days i could use it....


Lynda, that's awesome! Joyyy! I'm so glad for you.

  7:46 pm :. Blogger Darkchild hollered thusly:

Santa has forgotten me this year!!!

How dare he!!!

Haha, yeah I knew you would like the undies *blinks*
Ohw, how was your Christmas? Did you get what you wanted?

And already for tomorrow; Happy New Year!!!!


  4:27 pm :. Anonymous Celia hollered thusly:

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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21.12.04 | Christmas Post 1 (Poetry And Such)

The Saturnyne feels no joy at Christmas time.

Christmas and the New Year... disconnects. Discomforts. Chokes with impossible grief.

...So anyway! moving on all cheerily instead...
Here's a poem by e.e. cummings (In his usual lowercase style and no proper heading):

little tree
little silent Christmas tree
you are so little
you are more like a flower

who found you in the green forest
and were you very sorry to come away?
see i will comfort you
because you smell so sweetly

i will kiss your cool bark
and hug you safe and tight
just as your mother would,
only don't be afraid

look the spangles
that sleep all the year in a dark box
dreaming of being taken out and allowed to shine,
the balls the chains red and gold the fluffy threads,

put up your little arms
and i'll give them all to you to hold
every finger shall have its ring
and there won't a single place dark or unhappy

then when you're quite dressed
you'll stand in the window for everyone to see
and how they'll stare!
oh but you'll be very proud

and my little sister and i will take hands
and looking up at our beautiful tree
we'll dance and sing
"Noel Noel"

Swirly Christmas Tree

Christmas Tree Le Deux

Floaty Ghost-Candle-Things In Symphony! (eh?)

Real Purdy (Hey!- Is that a swan?)

And this years colour is purple. It's the new grape of truth in the war against... er... stuff!

I call this one "Marlowe P.I."

I see a rose, a fairy, an angel... what do you see?

And now The Saturnyne's Christmas Poem.

The Stars of Winter (abridged)

Sshh. friend
tread silently, tread light

for the million stars of winter
have descended

and we must walk with reverence
on this holy december night

-The Saturnyne

I do wish you all well at this time of year, whatever your religion.
I do wish you well at all times of the year...
With love

PS: i altered my poems structure. Hope ya agree that it's an improvement.


  7:14 pm :. Blogger Cece hollered thusly:

I liked The Saturnynes poem the best.

  7:20 pm :. Blogger Jessie hollered thusly:

Aw, thanks Saturnyne. Thanks for the poetry and the pics too. Best of luck in surviving the season... xx

  8:31 pm :. Blogger my sun sets to rise again hollered thusly:

I know how you feel, unfortunately. :( ~hugs~

Good ol' e.e. Now I love x-mas trees even more.

  12:02 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Ach! personally i hate almost this entire post. It's only mr cummings's poem that stops me from deleting it. That and yer comments.




  1:04 am :. Blogger my sun sets to rise again hollered thusly:

Fear not.

It is a good post. You can't really go wrong with Christmas trees, and your poem is good too. :)

  4:19 am :. Blogger Dani hollered thusly:

Oh, I love the poems! Both of them, for different reasons. What those reasons are, I ain't gonna tell ya. But I love 'em. :-)

  11:58 am :. Blogger The Prisoner hollered thusly:

there's nothing wrong with your crimbo post man, poetry and all tis lovely.

  4:29 pm :. Blogger B hollered thusly:

i know i'm not in the xmas spirit even a tiny bit. we don't even have a tree this year. didn't have one last year either, but for different reasons.
lovely post. love the pics. been looking forward to it, and i am definitely not disappointed!
hugs to you...

  4:59 pm :. Blogger Janey hollered thusly:

{claps stunted paws in delight, producing streams of tiny multi coloured fishes} Yay! I liked that post, poetry and all. I especially enjoyed the swirly bright colours on the pics.

Much love to all - Janey/xx

  7:32 pm :. Blogger Carl hollered thusly:

As we say in the north

"Gawd thas a miserable git at times."

Have a happy (or at least non-suicidal) Christmas and cheer up a bit, I'll see you when I get back from Brighton.

And if you need cheering up a bit Penny Arcade ( www.penny-arcade.com ) are currently doing a Cuthulu christmas comic strip sequence.

  9:59 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Arreet Carl! (As we also say in tha North) Well chuffed that ye took the time to drop in. You and yer folks have a good time down in the South. Be careful amongst all them furriners, though...

I'll see yer after Crimbo.

PS: Yeah, i am genetically disposed to feel miserable at this time of the year... dunno why, i should be going "Ooh! Prezzies!" and stuff... verr annoying.

Thanks Janey and B...

incidentally, my tree is about 1' (30cm's Tam!) high and pissy looking, but it's amazing what you can do with a long exposure and shaky shaky disco movements!

mucho love and hugs back to all the ladies (with a cheeky surprise snog under the mistletoe for good luck. Tongues optional)

And gentlemanly shaking of hands for British raced gentlemen.

Gallic pecking of cheeks think for the sophisticated gentlemen or Johnny Foreigner.

Mebbe a Gallic shrug, too.


  11:37 am :. Blogger 3rd daughter hollered thusly:

great pictures, poems, post.

  2:31 pm :. Blogger Cece hollered thusly:

Dearest Saturnyne,
I hope that you have a wonderful Christmas and New Year! Best wishes to you!


  8:54 am :. Blogger Starbuck hollered thusly:

Good work bigging up Edmonds.

Xmas hasn't been the same since Noel's Christmas Presents ended.

  3:44 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

What? Edmonds?!?!


AhAHAHhahaHaahAhaHAahahaha! Nice one.

Chuckled for ages when i figured what yer meant... heh!


  9:07 am :. Blogger esclava hollered thusly:

I love your pictures...and in the last...definitely I see a diamond shaped jelly fish, with glow in the dark nail polish painted all over its body...and, it has buddies...or baby jelly fishlets.

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12.12.04 | Why Sauron Deserves Our Support (Lord Of The Rings Special Edition!)

I know, i know, yer all thinking "Sauron? Why oh why should i show sympathy to such a dark dark dark villain?"

But, People-of-the World!!! I put it to you, that had the Dark Lord been brought up in a loving and fulfilling environment, none of his (And sunsequently Middle Earth's) troubles might have happened!

It's all the fault of the elves and men of course. But mainly the elves.
(Oh, and i point out a weakness in the plot at the end. Just for a laugh.)

Let's look at the historical documents of the case, provided by one Grishnakh, late of Cirith Arsall, and currently working as a lawyer for the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency.

So there you are, a young Sauron, you've fallen in with the wrong crowd (One Morgoth of the Outer Darkness), you've been attracted by his fancy fancy might and majestic dandy-ism, and the fact that he looks a bit like James Dean, all moody and rebellious, and then all these bloody elves and Higher Powers, come along and kick your arse, just because you indulged in a spot of mindless vandalism, and set fire to a few inconsequential continents and other minor things. The kind of thing that countries even get applauded for, these days. You, naturally of course, run like fuck!

But will those evil bastard elves let you forget your past humiliations? No. There they are, poncing around looking all fine and pretty, patronizing everything they come across, even the poor dragons. You try and be nice to them, teaching them how to make those pretty rings, which look just adorable when they catch the light just so, and for what? Nothing! noth-inG! Just more snootiness! And then when they discover that you've gone and made a better ring, they go and declare war on you. Totally unprovoked of course. Laughably consider themselves as "Freedom Fighters", but it's very obvious to you that they're terrorists.

So then there's a war, they win, probably by cheating, AND knock all your nice towers down, and what's worse, destroy yer earthly body with all it's refined good looks, and, after ages, when you've managed to regrow yerself into the form on an eye, (which isn't exactly your idea of "dashing") what happens?

The Final Humiliation, that's what!!!

And it's all the fault of those elves again, isn't it? And it happened at Christmas too. Oh, is there no respect for tradition?

It happens like this:

You've managed to grow yerself a new form. An eye. (Not quite got the manoeuverability of the old body, but when you get that ring back, all will be well again yay). It's Christmas. All the goblins and trolls have been decorating your newly built tower in time for the party on Christmas Eve, when there's a knock on the door. Ooh, it's the postman!

"Special Delivery for Mr Sauron".

For you?!!? Who could it be from?!? Ooh! -It's from The White Council!! Perhaps they want to be friends and are offering reparations in this season of goodwill? Quickly you summon one of the Wraiths from a fancy dress party to rend it's fleshy wrappings (ok, paper) for you...

...And inside is a... Bobble Hat! Just like Santa would wear! Oh, how kind! Tears well up. They want to be friend at last...

So you wear it.

All Christmas Day.

And everyone laughs.


The orcs only have to look at you and they fall around clutching their sides in an agony of mirth. You have to cull thousands before they take you serously again. The trolls cave their own heads in with clubs in ferocious merriment. And you can even sense the Lord of the Nazgul is smirking facelessly when he drops in for some mulled wine and Christmas dinner with you. Charades, as usual, is a complete disaster.

Bastards! All of them. Bastards. But especially the elves.

And the next year, you receive a scarf.

And the year after, some woolly gloves. What the fecking bollocks are you gonna do with bastard gloves! Those accursed elves will pay for taking such mighty piss...!

So you see, good reader, we should have nothing but sympathy for poor old Sauron. Especially as he could never have won anyway. As i shall prove it by sharing the final verses from my now legendary play "Much Ado About Balrogs"

"My noble lord Sauron. O-Greatness!-We have brought the ring for you. AND eaten those pesky hobbits."
"Nice one, geezer. Let's 'ave it then!"
"Certainly my lord. Here it is..."
followed by
(A bit more silence)
"...er, My Noble Lord? How do i give it to you?" (mucho stammering with fear) "you, er, don't seem to have er, any hands, er, to, er, wear it wi-"
"Shut it, you insufferable vomm of a goblin! I'm trying to think!"
(Silence. A very long silence)
"Right, got it. bring some stepladders. Chop chop!"
(Stepladders are brought. Much hustle and bustle)
(Ring now sits atop eye. Like little little crown)
(Nothing much seems to happen. Ring slides off and blissfully rolls around the floor for a while)
"Bollocks! Right. Right. Bring me some string... and sellotape... and don't forget the scissors...


Next up: How i defeated The Pope in single combat! (aka: More Bollocks, Vicar?)


  6:22 am :. Blogger Lizzy hollered thusly:

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHA. Thats a great final verse. *grins* Cute.

  2:57 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Hah! I knew you'd like this one. In fact, i had you in mind when i posted it.

*grins at Lizzy*


  5:30 pm :. Blogger Cece hollered thusly:

THAT WAS SO FREAKING FUNNY! You are so right. Damn those bloody elves! They think they are SO much better then the rest of us. HA!

  6:37 pm :. Blogger my sun sets to rise again hollered thusly:

"Like little little crown"

That sentence just made that for me.

And Saurons so pretty and err..hot?

  8:44 pm :. Blogger Darkchild hollered thusly:

Oh my god....

That was sooo funny, I nearly laughed my ass off ^-^


  2:11 am :. Blogger B hollered thusly:

i have never seen any of the lord of the rings movies, so i don't know what all of this is about! it was a fun read, tho.
i should see the movies, as i am sure that i am the only person on the planet that hasn't!

  7:26 am :. Blogger onanymous hollered thusly:

Oh my greatness!
That was hilarious.

  12:09 pm :. Blogger The Prisoner hollered thusly:

man alive, absolut genus!

  4:15 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Well, i thought, "let's have a laugh"


And B! You've never seen the films? (Nor read the books?)

Well, i'm sure you'll live a blissful and long life regardless. They're no more relevant than anything else, i'm thinking...



  5:13 pm :. Blogger Starbuck hollered thusly:

Heh heh heh heh...

Probably the greatest blog post EVER written about LotR.

Nice one.

  2:37 pm :. Blogger B hollered thusly:

i'm feeling a bit left out here!
i should see the movies. there have been too many times that those films have come up in conversation and when i said that i had not seen them, i was instantly looking at many puzzled faces.

  1:56 pm :. Blogger Janey hollered thusly:

Big smiles! Pastiches of my fav movies are always appreciated!

Sorry to have been incommunicado for so long, but it doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about you.


  3:50 pm :. Blogger Dani hollered thusly:

Don't feel too bad, B. I haven't seen/read LOTR either. I did own the trilogy at one time; absolutely beautiful books that I bought with every intention of reading. I had the set for a few years before selling them on eBay for twice what I had paid.
Why did I bother buying the books in the first place? Because I once knew a boy named Aragorn, and had the biggest crush on him when we were kids. He was as special and unique as his name. I wonder where he is now... sigh.

  2:03 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

I agree with Dani,

The films and books are no more relevant than anything else that touches upon your life. Sure, they are fine works, but as much as i loved 'em, there are other films and books i still liked more.

Anyway, everything is transient; a few hundred years time and it'll barely be remembered...

  8:12 am :. Blogger Janey hollered thusly:

Or perhaps it will become the new Iliad / Odyssy of this generation. Some works do stand the test of time (like Homer, Shakespeare and Milton), and perhaps LOTR is destined to be one such story. They get reworked for their current audience (i.e. Paradise Lost and the His Dark Materials trilogy (which if you haven't read you really should)). Much as you just reworked LOTR for the amusement of your core readership!

Mind you, the film interpretation of the Iliad was truely, truely cringeworthy (that travesty that was called 'Troy')...

  6:18 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

It'll all go in the end, Janey. It may last for several thousand years... but it WILL go. Like everything else.

Yours pessimistically (but also correctly)


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8.12.04 | The Saturnyne's Marvellous Hand Techniques (er...)

And so we move onto our next photo request. This one being for the marvellous Janey and Fabulous Cece. Love my pictures or suffer "The Consequences".

The Saturnyne's Magical Flaming Thumb Technique

Harry Potter? Amateur Wand Masturbator. Gandalf? Overrated Beardy Bastard. Merlin? Bit of a Tart. I can cast Ectoplasm! Nyahhh!

"Saturnyne's Ethereal Hand Of Prettiness" Spell

The Saturnyne's Idea Of A "Hot Date". (Sadly, the date is rarely pleased by my ruining her hair)

Ah, this one went slightly Supernovae...oops.

Hand: Post Fireball. (Or just pleasantly wavey. As is the nature of hands)

Hand Noir? (Note the mindfuck wallpaper of what we shall laughingly call "The Saturnyne's Boudoir" in the background)

Well, that was fun. Who's request shall i pull outta the rat next? Wil it be for B? Singlefin? Starbuck? Stella? Another-Person-Who-I-Can't-Remember-At-This-Time-Of-Night? Ooh! I can't wait! Well actually, yes i can. All these handjobs have left me quite spent...



  4:44 am :. Blogger Jessie hollered thusly:

Haha, nice work! Damn, that is mindfuck wallpaper, too. I can't remember if I even asked for a photo... so I'll be cheeky and say giz a pic of your backyard huh! (And thanks for the hugs - quite brilliant ;)

  6:19 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

MY Backyard, eh? Hmm... that'll require a bit of technical wizardry if i'm gonna maintain my "mystique" but i'll see wot i can do.



  2:52 pm :. Blogger Cece hollered thusly:

That wallpaper is GREAT! I do believe that is my favorite picture...well maybe the wand masturbator one too.

  3:17 pm :. Blogger stella hollered thusly:

that was fun! i feel like shaking your hand now, but then again ...(*unwholesome grin*)

  5:16 pm :. Blogger Lizzy hollered thusly:

Lol! R0x0r. Haven't been commenting much owing to the fact that your brilliant intellect of late is too much for my puny brain to comprehend.

  7:41 pm :. Blogger Darkchild hollered thusly:

Lol, that are some pretty impressive spells you've got there!!! :O And that all with one hand???
Cool ^-^

I like your pictures a lot, they're different from the photo's I usually see.

Sorry I haven't been here a while, that stupid sign-in button didn't work!!!


  7:47 pm :. Blogger Princess Potty Mouth hollered thusly:

I like setting flames to myslef.. I think its fun... and way more fun when ppl are watching... I like my magical powers... we should sit donw one time and have a nice long chat about our awesomely awesome abilities to set things on fire and other such wizardlyness and such... dont you think? anyway I am in a hurry I must go... love you dear.. oh and thank you for standing up for me against the mystery person.... I am currently starting an investigation about the matter

  11:42 pm :. Blogger B hollered thusly:

love those hand pictures! i like them all, but especially the 'pleasantly wavey' one. feels like you are waving hello to us all, which is nice.
thanks for remembering me at the end of your post (...and i initially thought "eh! he mentioned me first!" and then realized that all the names you had mentioned were listed in alphabetical order! hehe!).
and after that many consecutive handjobs (could that be some kind of record?), i can imagine you slept quite well!

  1:31 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

But Lizzy, everyone's an equal on my blog. Except, me of course. I'm super-equal. Yer presence is always a welcome addition to any of my posts... And did you have any photo requests of your own?

Everyone else: glad you liked the pics (Especially you Cece). I was modestly pleased with them.

Stella: "Unwholesmoe grin"?!? Wa-hey!

B: It definitely wasn't alphabetical... although it looks that way.

Darkchild: Hugs back!

Amanda: 'sok. I'm fiercely protective when i see my friends being attacked like that. I know you'd have done the same for me. x


  1:42 am :. Blogger Jason Mulgrew hollered thusly:


jason mulgrew
internet quasi-celebrity

  4:26 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Hiya Jason. Love back atcha! Just had a wander around yer own site, too. Left it grinning hugely. Hope you'll leave us all a place to comment soon... comments are goood.


  6:22 am :. Blogger onanymous hollered thusly:

Much prettiness!

I think that your "Saturnyne's Ethereal Hand Of Prettiness" spell looks like a combination of how candyfloss tastes and the purple roses in our garden smells.

  6:08 pm :. Blogger my sun sets to rise again hollered thusly:

Very nice.

Hot date and supernova are, unsurprising given my penchent for fire looking things, the best. - official proclamation.

But the wallpaper makes me too dizzy.

  8:19 pm :. Blogger Starbuck hollered thusly:

"Wowsers" (to quote Inspector Gadget), you really do have the gift of the gif (only applicable if those images are gif files which I doubt, on reflection, they are).

  9:42 pm :. Blogger Dani hollered thusly:

Dig that flaming thumb! Kinda looks like fur.

And umm... speaking of Harry Potter and wand masturbators. I have a friend who bought this for her daughter, and the girl will NOT part with it, lol. Is it any wonder?

  9:49 pm :. Blogger Dani hollered thusly:

Hmm. I just went to the link I posted above, and realize many of the customer reviews have been removed; probably for being too explicit. For anyone who doesn't know about that toy, it's a vibrating broom that many young girls have uh... become quite attached to.

  12:52 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Wow! Compliments everywhere. If i was a cat i'd be purring. A dog; wagging me tail. A dolphin; triple somersault backflip with a half-pike. A rat; grinding my teeth. A squid; Changing skin hues faster than a nightclub strobe (Only prettier). A dead tumble-bug being shaken in a matchbox; rolling. Rolling for pleasure.


  12:31 pm :. Blogger Woman at the well hollered thusly:

Just to say that I like your pictures, too.
Maybe one day most writers will express themselves like this in their books. Words won´t be enough ...
One question : whose hand is that? It´s beautiful.

  3:36 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

er, it's mine.


*grins bashfully*



  9:28 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Oh, i forgot to say:

Hey Starbuck, if i can't have the gift of the gif, can i have the gift of the tiff? Cos all these were shot in tiff format...

  11:34 pm :. Blogger 3rd daughter hollered thusly:

hello, i normally lurk here via starbuck's links to you but i'm enjoying it too much not to blogroll you. great pics and excellent words.

  12:43 am :. Blogger Starbuck hollered thusly:

Me again. "The gift of the tiff". That hardly sounds like a healthy state of affairs...

  2:28 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Yaay! Third Daughterness! A whole NEW person!

*offers Drink of something great*

But really everyone. All this praise will just go right to my head. And in my big-headedness i shall cease to be lovely and wonderful

So therefore, i insist on any future comments on these photos really slag me and them off. Points are rewarded for ingenuity and originality of insult.

*sits back and has a bit of a laugh*

And has that Starbuck been linking to me and i didn't know it? Bah! I shall have to drop by his place immediately and say thanks now!


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| Bread and Wallpaper

God! how i love the smell of freshly baked bread! And lightly toasted freshly baked bread with generous assaults of cream cheese upon it is just... heaven! Anyway, so where was i? Oh yeah...

"...yeah i know they'll have wrinkles! just use the bloody ironing board like everyone else does fer chrissakes! Like i told you. It'll flatten them out in no time, especially if you press heavily on- YES of course you boil first! Can't you read the instructions? Boil until the meeping stops. No wonder i have a desire to murder you like a sperm whale you every time i see your squid face. Didn't you know that? I have it on good authority that your very existence is unrequitably illegal. You'd better look out 'cause the bill is on to your vapid smile. It's a crime against all that's holy.

...Right, so then once you've flattened 'em you take your nail gun and paste 'em to the wall. It'll look great. Trust me. Oh and make sure you've de-flead them."

Some Igor-like acquaintance. Wanted pictures of kittens and puppies on his walls. but i naysayed him, and suggested he use the real thing. It's a public service really. There's far too many kittens and puppies roaming around at this time of year. Bah! Cute things! Bah!

Ogoddd! didn't i say i was gonna put some hands pics up like... yesterday/last week? Yeah, i did... right. Coming up. Hands. What a fucking slacker...


  1:54 am :. Blogger B hollered thusly:

oh, i love bread! and biscuits (no, not your kind of biscuits, american breakfast biscuits)- but only homemade ones. my grandmother used to feed the family a large breakfast when we visited her in memphis. biscuits and gravy- only i don't like gravy, so she would put honey on my biscuits. devine! you might ask...a southerner who does not like gravy? impossible! and to that i say... yes, altho hard to believe, it is true. and i always knew i didn't really belong here.
i'm not going to comment on the kittens and puppies (heart...breaking...).

  2:07 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Looks like you've arrived when I'M posting for a change. Yeah!

Come back in an hour and yer might see some real bizarreness! Am halfway through requested hand shot manipulations. They'll look totally rubbish mind. But in my mind they'll be nearly as good as fresh bread eaten in a room freshly decorated with kitten and puppy...

  2:43 am :. Blogger Jessie hollered thusly:

Hiya... the much anticipated hands photos on their way, then?! Good-o, I'll anticipate some more then.

I'm trying not to imagine boiled, ironed and nail-gunned kittenpuppy gore dripping down your friend's wall...

  3:12 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Oh did i mention that you can stroke the wallpaper, too?! No? Well you can. It's very soothing. And sooo kitten soft...

um, only problem is if it starts meeping... then of course you've got to get that nailgun again...


  3:30 am :. Blogger B hollered thusly:

well, i came back to see about the hands, but i see i shouldn't have! the comment above, as well as the rest of the original story is probly going to creep its way into my dreams tonite. i don't doubt that, as i have been having strange dreams because i think i am getting sick. i've felt slightly feverish the last couple of days and i'm so tired every day. last night i had to fight just to stay awake until 9pm, and i usually go to bed after 11pm. tonight has been the same way, tho i think i'm giving up now and retiring to my cozy big bed. hope i have pleasant dreams after reading this...
(still looking forward to the hands, tho)

  4:21 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Oh dear. Poor B! Well next time, i shall try and think of pleasant things for you to have nice dreams about...

I hope it's only a minor ailment.



  12:39 pm :. Blogger B hollered thusly:

i DID have a nightmare last night...but it wasn't anything to do with your story. in the dream, C and i were invited to this huge party by an old high school friend of mine (don't know why i dreamt of her, haven't seen or heard from her since graduation! anyway...) we got there, all excited, and it turned out to be a shopping party at the world's largest GAP! We bought all these clothes, and i was totally frazzled because i could not choose between an orange and green sweater! the whole time, it was like i was out of my body, watching myself shop and wondering what was wrong with me, because in real life, i HATE the GAP! but the real me couldn't make this other weird shopping me stop buying GAP things! it was truly scary!

  2:50 pm :. Blogger Cece hollered thusly:

Firstly...you have made me VERY hungry. Somehow this eggnog shake from Jack in the Box that I am sipping on just isnt doing it for me anymore.

Secondly...as for the wall hangings. May The Milltown Cat get you for that!

  4:47 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Ah, the horrors of being trapped in a Gap advert/ shop! Truly i sympathize.

It's ok, Cece. We didn't really murder any kittens/ puppies for wallpaper.

Not deliberately, anyway...

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1.12.04 | I'm a Very Friendly Lion Called Parsley

Nicked the below from Tam's Mememe page, mainly because it reminded me of an animated programme i used to watch when i was a small Saturnyne.

Prog called The Herbs. It had an awesomely cool lion in it, called Parsley, who had his own little song (Sung in a kind of posh, older Nick Drake style- melancholia and everthing) whenever he appeared. Actually, all the characters had songs (And all sung with the kind of poise that you can only get by being English and full of Melancholy). And when i say songs i don't mean the kind of piss you'd get in Barney The Dinosaur or other modern kids crap. The se were the kinds of songs that could be sung and remembered with affection and fondness... ahh, sigh, i do.

Anyway, i'm Basil.


What herb are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Oh, and another thing, the "H" in herbs is definitely to be pronounced, cos it sounds sooo much cooler.

Next up: Hands. Or a guest appearance by an aspect of the Triple-Goddess to answer your burning questions. Or something else i've just pulled from the dank recesses of my miind...


  5:49 am :. Blogger B hollered thusly:

i am rosemary, apparently.
and i'm not so sure about the pronunciation of 'herb'. i've always pronounced it without the 'h', that's just the way that i was taught, but i suppose it is acceptable either way. i do find that when i watch chefs on food network, they tend to use the 'h', which leads me to believe that is the proper way.
i must check out this program you wrote about. and yes, barney is crap! but teletubbies and boo-bah are totally scary (and i believe those are creations from your neck of the woods? hehe).
so glad to see you back.

  10:12 pm :. Blogger my sun sets to rise again hollered thusly:

I'm basil too.

I can only remember one song from the herbs. And then its only a line about tarragon the dragon.

  2:12 am :. Blogger Jessie hollered thusly:

I got moly, same as Tam. What the hell is moly, anyway?

I say pronounce the 'h'.

  11:33 am :. Blogger The Prisoner hollered thusly:

I was mandrake


i drive people insane

  11:33 am :. Blogger The Prisoner hollered thusly:

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  12:41 pm :. Blogger Dani hollered thusly:

I'm moly, too.
And I do not pronounce the "h" in herb. I'm American, dammit. ;-)

  1:44 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Damn! i wanna be mandrake!Driving people insane is MY job! (See "job description" thing in Profile).

But Dani, pronouncing Herbs without an Aitch in it just sounds so, so... common! (heh!)

  3:03 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

And while i'm here:

B... what the hell is a "Boo-bah"?!?! I'm familiar with the Teletubbies from stoned/drunk early mornings of a misspent "youth" though, and think they're great.

"Again! Again!" i say.
and also
"Eh-oh! Wheredjer bobbin'?"


  10:06 pm :. Blogger stella hollered thusly:

i'm a rosemary herb too like b ... :)
(p.s. there are herbs and then there are 'h'erbs... pending on which one we're talking here).

  12:15 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Oh the controversy of it all!

I feel quite faint just thinking about it.

I am right of course. Mainly because God spoke to me in a dream, wearing the form of a tomato... and he said "Tell them bloody Americans that their diction is rubbish and that herbs definitely has a "H" in it when spoken. Also, that they drive on the wrong side of the road, and that all drivers should drive on the left, like those marvellous English people that i'm so fond of..."

At least i think it was God. It might just have been a talking tomato. With a grudge.


  12:47 am :. Blogger B hollered thusly:

oh, he must've been a rotten tomato. i heard that tomatoes don't like americans anyway, so his remarks are not at all surprising.
stella! how could i have forgotten that other herb?!?! geez, has it been that long? guess so.
i must admit that the first time that i saw teletubbies was just after an early morning 'bake'. i was in a hotel room in atlanta flipping thru the tv channels and came across it. i was totally scared by it. but, now that boo-bah is out, teletubbies seem pretty sane. apparently boo-bah is created by the teletubbies folks. they are different colored round things that giggle a lot and fart.
go here:
and then here:
(gee, sure wish i knew html- someone should teach me!)

  4:15 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Good god! Well i consider England revenged upon America for kicking us out and installing it's own "democracy" after seeing that. And now i see it's on our tee-vee this afternoon... i shall watch... with eyes afearful.

So now Ye ole England is avenged, that just leaves, The Indians (american ones), Africans, Mexicans, parts of Europe, most of the Far East, All of the Middle East (except Israel), Russia, and healthy parts of South America. Plus Cuba. And whales. And if i've missed anyone out, i'm sure they will remind us when this Global Warming malarkey REALLY starts to bite...

It's not much fun being an ordinary American at the moment, i'm thinking. Still... i love you, regardless of yer gov.


  10:01 pm :. Blogger Starbuck hollered thusly:

The Herbs used to scare the bejesus out of me.

Anyway, I'm Catnip, apparently.

My cat used to get driven to ridiculous heights of sexual excitement by catnip.

That scares the bejesus out of me!

  12:11 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Hehe Starbuck. Cats looove you!


Hmm... time for another post...

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