22.2.07 | The End of The Fookin' World!!! (Yes it's a fookin' "whinge post ok!?!)
Here at The Saturnynes Lounge, we like to bring you the BIG stories and today we're touching upon the end of the world and the signs and portents that are an obvious foretelling of dooms to come...
And i have to tell you, it doesn't start with floods, bad weather or nuclear war (Although it might well end with such things)
It starts with the small things. The lark that is no longer heard, the sunflower in winter, the closing of your favourite shops.
Yes the closing of your favourite shops, dammit! At the end of last year, the Saturnynes life-long and cherished favourite toyshop of all time did close. Mr Benn's, a place i have visited since childhood and evoked with it's name, an equally loved childhood cartoon, has bloody well closed and my lovely shop friends have all gone!
I'm hurting dammit! The world has stomped all over my sensitive nature with size 100 booties. Then invited it's friends and neighbours to come and do the same. The shop where i bought my first action man (In Nazi SS uniform, no less! Oh how i loved the sartorial elegance of those nice SS soldiers and officers in their swish greys and blacks. Possibly leading to suspicions amongst one elderly relative that i might "bat for the other side" pshaw! Thank-you for the vote of confidence dead Grandma, but i think numerous fondlings and sticky situations later, some involving actual real girls, i think i can lay that one to rest, ok?). And the lego! And the airfix models with paints and glues to fuck them up real bad! A million toy soldiers! Eventually i even let the Allies win! And when George Lucas slagged us Star Wars onto the scene, i was an avid collector of all the figures and vehicles. Finally from the age of 14, i found the game to indulge my vast and endless imagination. Dungeons and Dragons proved to be endlessly inventive and thrilling and even hillariously funny. I still think about it and play variations of it to this day. Mainly the Bad Guys with nowadays... well, y'gotta strive for realism...
But that's not all! The last fookin' music shop in town has fookin' well closed too! So my little location has no toys and no music (ok there's a small specialist music shop that i frequent for my Shimmydisc rarities etc... but it's too fookin' small goddammit!)
But that's not all, either! My local library is fookin' well closing! not that's going to be a big loss, not with the local council continually reducing the opening hours to 5 mins a day or something equally foul and disgusting. Bah!
Yes, it's the end of the fooking world!
PS: So if you want a shag, now's the time to get in touch...
9.2.07 | Tourettes Syndrome: A Users Guide