24.12.04 | Christmas Post (Part 1.5: Merry Christymas Yer Arse! Yaay!)
Well well well.
Another year draws rapidly to another heartstopping close... but first... Christmas. And an especial Merry Christmas to all our friends and readers in the Southern Hemisphere, who are currently having some nice weather... how i look on you with envy.
An especially fond thought to a fabulous lady living in Brazil. Everyone go say "Hi!" Her blog is written with superbness! And is better by far than that trashy novel that your unimaginative realtive has bought you for Crimbo.
Dear Santa (and Mr God where applicable)
Thanks awfully for that lovely lovely iPod thing, which i just know you're gonna drop down the chimney (Carefully of course). I am of course especially grateful to you for ignoring (You have ignored, haven't you?) the letters stating that i have changed my name to "Tam", and that i am living in Auckland, New Zealand. And while there may possibly be such a person in that locale, i am sure that you in your Zen-like calm, know that they would much prefer something else...
But prezzies aside. Although they're fun and important, what i really want you to bring to all my friends (linked and yet-to-be linked) plus the "many" other readers of this site, is a sense of the festive spirit, which i fear is being drowned under an avalanche of buying and commercialism (iPod notwithstanding). And if you can't quite manage that, could you bung them some moments of blissful happiness. Please? I'd like that very much. I'd even consider giving my 'Pod to the needy if you did that... certainly i'd be more charitable to everyone.
Also Santa, could you have a word with Him/Her Up There? Y'see, i've been looking for Him/Her for a very very long time now. And i'm kinda tired. I haven't found anything yet that i can truly believe in. Not myself. And certainly not the majority of the human race. Have you seen what they do?!? Dreadful things. Sometimes in His/Her name! And the lies! The lies!!!
Anyway, I'm not asking for a burning bush speaking in some old language... just... something... (Although a 2nd coming might be nice...)
Thanks Santa. I hope this message finds you well. Hope that diet worked out well- although i did hear scurrilous rumours that you'd got obsessed with that Atkinsons Diet, and in a fit of pique, had eaten Rudolf and the other reindeers... but i'm sure they were just that. Rumours.
PS: if yer bored between continents, and i know it's a long night for you, i thought i'd include some little Weebl and Bob cartoons below, with you in mind. We all need a bit of a laugh from time to time.
PS: It's just been pointed out to me that you're very unlikely to be connected to the internet during all that flying, so this post may be in vain.
PPS: But i just know that someone like you will be all hip to all the modern technologies, and are bound to have yer own laptop, with yer own super-efficient Santasoft O.S. installed, and a wi-fi worldwide connection to the web. How could you not?!?
Irritatingly cute Christmas Song! by the late Wesley Wills
Weebl And Bob At Christmas
More Weebl And Bob At Christmas!
Fabulous Advent Calendar Bollocks! 24 little windows to clicky-click!
(lemme know if ya have probs with this link)
What The Fuck?!?
Gah! I've just realized that, this post slightly rips off one of my earlier one's from waaay back.
Anyway. May your God(s) bless you and all who sail in you. Good luck. Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. More love (again...)