Lately, i have been looking through the junk in my gmail folder... in some bemusement. The title of this post was my favourite header of one of the 180 i received today.

Are there really so many gullible desperate men (yup, it must be men) in the world? Blameh!

Here's some of the many emails i have received... links not included unless yr REALLY desperate bloke persons, in which case you can email me for the details and a technique that will really( yes really) increase the size of your (yes yours!) cock (that's right, your cock.) And all for a measly sum of 10,ooo golds!

"Millions of men use this
Here’s how to get an invitation card into her bedroom for a quickie."

Well if everyone else has been there, i'm not sure i want to as well. Damn, that's some stud/slut! (delete where appropriate)

"Re: don't forget this
Forget rocks and jewelry, give her what she REALLY wants – a massive rod and an incredible climax."

No pressure, then. Or could it be something about fishing? fishing can be pretty "exciting" for some people? Certainly, i get excited every time i think about eating fishies, so why not? (Damn, that salmon and rosemary i had in Giorgio's the other week was just awesome! And Sian, if you're reading this, then yes, i haven't forgotten your birthday. Or the meal out. I Been ill)

"I banged her till she bled
Special prices on this incredible medical breakthrough for manhood enlargement."

Yeah! Comes with hammer-attachment! Or why not just shoot the bitch and watch her bleed even more? Or maybe a good old knifing? Zomg! What wording! It's almost like reading a Shakespearian sonnet!

"Blow your load in Linday
Obtain guaranteed, permanent, hassle-free growth with our product."

now this is either something to do with dodgy stock-market betting, or it's more gun crime!!! Obviously.

"FDA approved Mens Enhancement supplement
Don’t disappoint her when she sees how small you are- fix that today."

how did they know?!? How?? I bet it was an ex!- Damn her!!

(on this one also, apparently his "rocking erection smitten her" blameh!)

"Incredible ass shaking
Mandy can’t keep her hands off me, now that I’ve gained more than 2 inches"

Does he/she mean two inches of ass? how much ass do you need for it to be incredible with the shaking? Would Parkinsons Disease help with that? Or hot-wiring it to the mains? Epilepsy development? I'd like to know these things, should i ever want this "incredible ass shaking" thing .

"Subject her to a punishing ride
Imagine taking a home video of her and she has multiple orgasms within just minutes."

When i used to drive i am pretty sure that i achieved this result with every passenger. I still recall, with a "certain" sentimental fondness, the shrieks and tear-stained moans and the moistened seats after the journeys. It must have been pretty intense for them as they used to be clutching tightly to the dashboard and other parts of the interior, knuckles whitening into a rigor-mortis like state and whimpering like small childs. And that was just the guys. Ah, if only i'd known that videoing it would have made me money...

"Get head every night
9 inches of massive manhood will always come in handy."

well... i could live with that. OMG! Wait!!! What if it's ME who has to give the head, dammit?! Waaaaaah!!!!

More as i find them...



  8:02 pm :. Blogger Ginger Doll hollered thusly:

'I banged her til she bled'...now that really is a turn on for a girl, ain't it. Spam's great for making you feel inadequate...mine mostly concerns losing weight which is just delightful.

Sometimes they combine weight loss and sex. Those marketeers really know how to hook ya.

  8:46 am :. Blogger {illyria} hollered thusly:

my mail always wants me to have a bigger bong. except that i don't have a bong, and nobody has offered me one, with free shipping. buggers.

seriously, i died laughing from this. and then i obviously got up again to comment.

  8:48 pm :. Blogger kitty hollered thusly:

holy crap I think I just pissed my pants!!

I'm jealous - my spam is nowhere near as amusing as yours :(

  4:58 pm :. Anonymous Anonymous hollered thusly:

I had something that intrigued me lately - an offer to stiffen my bones.
After spending rather a long time wondering why this might be necessary, I put my specs on and saw that the s in bones was supposed to be an r.
So I guess the whole new career in bone stiffening is out, then.

  5:17 pm :. Anonymous Anonymous hollered thusly:

From the Profile page

The Saturnyne doesn't have any testimonials yet.

So I guess all these adverts are a bit premature?

love from a passing well-wisher

  5:29 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Ehm... What testimonials? I don't see anything on my profile page about testimonials?



  5:07 am :. Anonymous Chastity hollered thusly:

Im not asking what sites you look on to get that sort of spam mail ;)

Want to trade for my 20 mails of 'You has won sumfink, srsly!'?

  6:39 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

I'm a good boy! I don't look at pornz! Well, not unless it has sodomy and fisting ofc!

plus goats! =P


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