23.1.08 | Pirat[e]s!!!
*whisper whisper*
"Ah, i see. And you say it all started when your captain got lost and drunk under the seats of a moving picture house."
*whisper whisper*
"For three whole days?!?! Well i hope the film was good."
*whisper whisper*
"AhAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Well at least there would have been popcorn and other things to eat. That's terribly amusing. Pirates of The Carribean triple bill, you say? Poor chap, i'm not sure my sanity would have been untouched if i'd been forced to endure that for three whole days. Zomg!"
*whisper whisper whisper*
"Yes it certainly does explain his apparent conflicting identity crisis, and now i do indeed perceive the inner sadness in your tail, my dear Emissary. Your apology and truce are accepted, and i for my part am sorry that i had to murder so many of you- in such an unsporting way, too!"
*whisper whisper*
"That's very kind of you to say. I had no idea your people were such well-spoken and polite folks. It certainly takes the breath away to think of such a civilized society as yours. But let's return to the matter at hand. I think i know how to find his golden treasure, and end our mutual misery, for you know if it remained unresolved i would have to regretfully slay you to the very last man."
*whisper whisper*
"Aha! Yes! Very droll. Anyway. here's what we shall do..."
Captain's Log: RY2kM42
Yarr, tis a sorry tail oi do tell. Ahm nart a happy fella, I Cap'n Scabious Murine and my crew 'ave been seeking the hidden and legendary treasure of 't Golden Rowse for many a long month. Sailing the most Godforsaken back straits of the Seven Sews, always searchin', searchin' an' searchin' again for the loot that will make us rich.
Alas then, that the clues led me ship and crew to this most filthy an' disgustin' river where our luck deserted us as sure as fleas off a drownin' rattus. First losing shipmates Nibbles and Fangs to the predatory beasts that prowl these monstrous shores, then most of the rest of the crew to some terrible bleedin' sickness from the accursed food supplies that the barbarumans who live here had "kindly" provided for us. Damn their eyes! Yer just can't trust 'em! It's been over 600 years since The Hoppin' Death, but do they forget and forgive? No! It were an acciden' 'an all! We tried ter stop it, too, once we realized it were a problem, like. But, every time we hope for an understandin' and try to move on, they drive us back into the dark, beating us and killin' us all the while. Treatin' us like vermin! Howlin' like savages! Narr, yer can trust 'em. Ever! Pieces of eight!
Now it's jus' me an' the First Mate and the cabin-juve, Veilsy left, an' i fear for the first Mate's life, since he volunteered to go and parlay with the barbarumans and talk some sense into them. I tol' him!- Forgerrit! They're as mean a bunch as i ever seen! Poor fella. 'e was a right good sort 'an all. In spite of his funny ideas about havin' been one of them once. i tol' him, talkin' like that'll bring trouble! Sure as teeth! Reyt clever he was, tho', but 'es been gone fer a good few hours now. Mebbe me and the young' un should just try and swim fer it. I lost me treasure map, anyways.
Captain's Log: RY2kM43
Lordy amighty! He be back! And he's brung us tidings of ther Treasure! His parlay with the barbarumans seems to have worked, and their chief has seen reason! Yarr, it might be a trap, but me hearts weary from starvation and losin' us 'ope. Ow't is better ner this. He's gonna hand us ther Golden Rowse and push our ship back into fairer waters and All we give in return is our promise not ter come back. Seems fair enuff ter me. I 'ope the First Mate knows what he's doin'... Shiver me timbers an' stuff. I miss me wife and the kids. Shiver me barnacles, too! (note to self: must find out if barnacles shiver or not)
Cap'n Scabious Murine.
Saturnyne's Diary: December 31st 2007
So we had this rat problem this past month, and i'd been busily entertaining myself by laying out traps and poisons for the little buggers and trying to stop their holes up, when one of the little blighters, bold as brass runs full tilt out of a new hold i had just found, tears up my legs and body at an impressive rate of knots and lands on my shoulder with what seems to be an optimistic and anxiously faux-cheery smile on his whiskers. I was further surprised, when in a slightly tremolous and squeaky voice (well ofc squeaky, he's a rat, dammit!) he addresses me thus:
"i wonder if i might beg an audience with your leader?"
Ever so polite he was, and despite my alarm at having a wild rodent upon my shoulder, i'll warm to anyone who's a bit polite and respectful. so i nodded. And said that, uhm, yeah, that would be me.
So anyway, i invited him to partake of some crisps and ice cream and the usual stuff that you expect rats to like and we worked out an arrangement and a peace treaty. (For i'm sure you will all agree, that it's much nicer to have peace than go around murderin' folks hither and thither without even thinking about what else you might be about), and he related to me the sad plight of his "Cap'n", a charismatic rat of some high repute and nobility in rat society who had fallen upon difficult times and succumbed to the horrors of silly Disney films after accidentally eating a complete and strangely discarded 8th of weed in a cinema he was scavenging.
There's a lesson in there for everyone, and i'm sure you'll agree to that, too.
So later on that day, i procured their treasure for them, and lifting a large drainage cover i met the good Captain and the last of his crew. Who after cursorily waving an old rusty sewing needle at me for a few moments in a final show of tired bravado, chittered at me in Rattese and bowed deeply. His two surviving ship mates doing the same.
Well, it was a sombre moment for us all as i handed over the treasure for inspection (which all there agreed most heartily that this was indeed the fabled Golden Rowse), and then helped them place it safely into their "ship" which i must tell you, with a pang of disillusioned regret, was a leaky old childs shoe box and not very sea-worthy at all.
There then followed a brief conversation between the Captain and his loyal First Mate, during which, there was much nodding and bowing in my direction, and then the Mate ran up my leg again with something clasped in one paw.
"The Cap'n would like to give you something to remember us by, in token of your bein' an 'onorable barbaruman and everything (In fact, the first we've ever seen). It's nothin' much, but it's a log of all his adventures before he was a pirate (and especially afterwards, too!) Crafted from finest willow bark it is"
"Oo! Thank-you! I shall keep it always and treasure it mightily. but there's one thing you never told me, in fact two things, and i'd like to know them before i cast you off, if i may?"
What made you think you could trust me not to slay you on sight? And what is your name, for i'm sure "First Mate" is surely not it, and i am sure there is something familiar about you that i just can't place?
"Well, i didn't... but sometimes, when yer choices seem a bit limited, and yer in a tight spot... ye've got to take a chance, ain't yer? Besides, even with all the murderings y' did upon my folks, y' seemed a decent sort. I'd been watching you a while as yer sat in yer chair, see.. In the end, i just hoped that it was all a bit of a misunderstandin'..."
We smile, and he leans in close and whispers to me his name, and i smile some more and with sadness as i realize who and what he is.
Then quickly and solemnly they scurry into their ship and i reach out (With gloves on ofc! it's a backwater of one of the Seven Sews and smelly and filthy as anything down there!)and push them deep into the channel, then run all the taps and flush the outside loo to help send them on their way. I swear i hear them singing a Corpus Christi Carol from the darkness...
Oh, and the treasure? I know you're just dying to know what the treasure was that i gave Captain Scabious. What WAS the treasure!???
Well... see for yourself, below.
And now, adieu!
8 comments :.
haha very kind of you to drop by, or through, and leave me a comment. what were you ouching about, btw? There are many things in that blog entry that could be considered ouch-worthy
Ah, i'll come over to your blog and tell yr, SSL
This post incidentally, to all readers, was the result of a month of hearing rats scuttling behind our cavity walls, then finally making an all out invasion attempt on our living space.
It's not pleassant sitting at my pc desk and hearing claws and squeaks coming from the cupboard not two metres away... even less fun is seeing a tentacular rat tail occasionally poking out through said cupboards air slats. Brr! *shivers*
Also taking a bath, and hearing scratchings and gnawings right underneath you... it's damned unnerving and unsporting of them, is what it is!
So we poisoned the little bastards and stopped up their escape route back to the sewers.
It didn't end there, though. One week later, their decaying bodies exacted a sweet and foul revenge of the most noisome scents that wafted around the house for days and days! Yechh!
S.
good god, that sounds perfectly terrible. how'd you come across my blog, anyways? and how is it over in the UK? I've always wanted to visit, and possibly live there for a while.
I think it must have been something we both shared in our profile... probably Amelie, my favourite film.
England is wet, windy and if you ever visited, i would ALWAYS claim to be Canadian, because ever since the Gulf War, America's name has been cursed as persistently as it has rained here.
Am hoping mr Obama becomes yr next prez very much...
S.
i saw your comment on supersoniclady's blog and had to check our your blog.
might i suggest a mouse trap or two? and i am quite sorry about the aroma... death: an icky smell
goodness! i couldn't do that!
We have a peace treaty!
=)
S.
yeah I know, the rest of the world seems to be pretty pissed at us right now. I'm always interested to talk with people from other countries to hear how they think their country feels about America. Brazil seems to be fine with us, but not too many other places. wouldn't you guys be able to tell the difference between an American and Canadian accent?
well, luckily people say I have a scandanavian sounding accent. perhaps that would help me.
Its about bloody time!
xx
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