3.5.06 | Party Politics...
But first... The Arts Section!!!
I never remember holding a full drink.
My first look shows the level half-way down.
What next? Ration the rest, and try to think
Of higher things, until mine host comes round?
Some people say, best show an empty glass:
Someone will fill it. Well, I've tried that too.
You may get drunk, or dry half-hours may pass.
It seems to turn on where you are. Or who.
"Party Politics" by Philip Larkin
There now follows a PARTY POLITICAL BROADCAST on behalf of
The New Satanist Party
Brethren, with the local council elections coming up, and with our main parties showing distinct signs of sleaze and bad management, i'd like to offer you a new alternative. The New Satanist Party. And with that end in mind, i've put together a few q and a's for your contentment
Q: "Why Should i vote for you?" you might ask "Aren't you all a bit, well, evil?"
A: Indubitably! And that's precisely why you should vote for us! We don't go around being evil behind your back and then trying to put some clever-clever spin on it. Nooo- we do it full on in yer face with child and goat sacrifices included for free! And if we feel it necessary to go and bomb people in other countries, or perhaps just for fun and to give our military some good target practise, we'll just do it, and flick "V" signs at everyone while snickering, loudly.
Q: But i'm a Christian, and opposed to your works of darkness, O Evil ones!
A: Oh please! Some of our greatest allies are Christians! Take Holy George of the Latter Day Moomins: in the true spirit of Satanism, he ignored all the words of the Wise arrayed against him, and thought he could do a better job, and so declared war on everyboy who disagreed with him! Now look me in the eye and tell me if that isn't in keeping with the philosophies of our Prince of Darkness? He's definitely one of us, for sure. And his brethren, Brother Rummy and Sister Condy etc, are totally in our pocket, too, being particular advocates of the 6th Deadly Sin. We're also grudging admirers of The Pope. And as for born again Christians, no-one in the last century has been more responsible for creating cynicism and mockery towards a once-respected religion. No-one! Great job, guys!
Q: I know New Labour has been terrible, but what can you do to change things?
A: Well, we're taking a few ideas from New Labour and improving on them. For instance, we will no longer have waiting lists in hospitals, as we intend to initiate a program of exceptional patient care: anyone falling ill will be immediately pushed from the top of one of several regional pyramids, after having their living heart torn from their chest by highly trained 5 yr olds, of course! This will also have the added effect of reducing attention deficit disorders and anti-social behaviour amongst the young.
There will also be enforced firearm carrying; from pistols, to hand-held rocket launchers and frag grenades. This should cultivate respect and civility amongst the population. And decrease the strain on services in densely populated areas.
Q But what about jobs?
A: As before, we are taking the workforce programs begun so amateurishly by New Labour (and the Conservative Party before them) to their logical conclusions. All working class people will be reduced to slave status and be set to work immediately on several grim and foreboding temples and pyramids in key areas around the country. Those failing to work for us will be meaningfully sacrificed, with their skulls forming part of the architecture.
Q: And education?
A: As previous governments before us have deduced, so long as the children are seen to be achieving good grades, we can get away with doing nothing at all. Therefore, all children will be given a test on their day of birth. If they have a pulse, they will receive the highest scores!
Q: What about the environment? I'm concerned about global warming!
A: Ha ha ha. It's going to get a lot hotter. Trust us on this. Sizzling, in fact. Armageddon is just a hop and a skip away! We'd like to claim the responsibility for this, but i'm afraid it's the Americans. And frankly we're rather jealous of their zeal for blind self-destruction. It's a shining example the rest of the world has vainly tried to catch up on.
Q: Ok, you've convinced me! Where do i sign up?
A: Don't come to us... we'll come to you... after all we know where each and every one of our delicious brethren lives. And you don't need to sign anything of ours. In fact it's quite the reverse... the sodomizing and flagellation is included at no extra cost, btw.
That was a PARTY POLITICAL BROADCAST by the New Satanist Party.
And this is the tasteful side of a pro-life/anti-abortion Britney Spears statue. Giving birth... hmmmmm.... on a bearskin rug...