27.2.06 | How Ghosts Affect Relationships
Nobody has died.
That's the part i'm glad about. The best part. Nobody has died...
to the best of my knowledge...
(Not that people don't die all over the world, and all of the time. Sooner or later, everyone stops breathing, and their eyes lose that glint, that spark, that says "Here i am! Look! Still hanging on!- willingly or otherwise."
One day you, and i and everyone who we ever knew, will have ceased to exist. Sooner, rather than later, if the signs and portents that Gaia is showing us in her fastidious, slow and relentless way, are anything to to go by.
"Everything Must Go" sang The Manic Street Preachers.
"Everything must go", the salesman implores you, sadly.
"Everything will go", replies our God, in all Her aspects...
"Get used to the idea".
One day, all that will remain of the human race will be a (ridiculously) thin yet viciously black line of carbon in rock formations, to puzzle alien visitors happening upon our insignificant little planet. If that. But anyway, that's not my story, not my stream of apoplectic, humorous subject fury for today. I'm just laying a little background for you all)
My sleep has been terrible for months and months... my whole sleep/waking cycle has been totally at odds with even the remotest semblance of a normal "lifestyle" that i humorously despair of ever seeing daylight again. If i'm not absurdly sleepless, i sleep through the day instead, or grab catnaps when the moment takes me... or even become dead to the world for days on end. It's ridiculous, and yes i am seeking medical help for this problem, so no need to worry.... Hah!- and that, like the previous paragraph, is also background.
I awoke this morning, from the usual ridiculous dreams about being best friends with dragons (friendly chairs, also... i wouldn't ask, if i were you) to a strangely beautiful, sad, disturbing moment. It was dream, and yet not-dream.
A kiss upon my cheek. A gentle whisper in my ear.
"Goodbye - I love you". A young womans voice. Sad and happy and loving all at once.
Sometimes, in the news, or tactless and sensational glossy magazines, or from friends, or friends of friends, you come across these little stories. Stories where someone encounters a loved one, who waves at them, or perhaps talks to them at length, then leaves, never to be seen alive again. Later, it turns out that this meeting couldn't possibly have happened. Because this person waving/ talking... was busy dying elsewhere at that exact precise moment of time.
I reflected upon these stories throughout the rest of the day, and waited, starting from my chair every time the phone rang. Wondering who it could be this time. In the course of my life so far, i've met a great many people, from every "corner" of the globe. Many strange, scary, fascinating, wonderful people. Loved them all, every one. But the annoying thing about ageing, the painful thing... is that sooner or later, they're gone. Or you are. To vaguely quote that most insghtful of English poets, Larkin: "Life is like chess". He saw the game, as a profound parallel to life, with pieces being taken from the board one by one... until all that is left is the final Checkmate. The final surrender.
I don't know who kissed me, or if it was just some vivid dream, or perhaps a premonition. I do know i felt loved. And the thought that someone had perhaps sent their dying spirit to visit Your Humbleness personally, left me feeling deeply affected.
And at the end of the day?
No-one had died. No grim news, sparking and falling down the wires. No rumour of loss. No distant keening of a mother on the wind. No rain falling a symphony of lament. If i had been a goth, i might have been quite put out. Hmm... if i'd been a goth, that might make me happy.
*smiles amusedly at idea of Goth being disappointed and miserable, and then elated at achieving melancholy... before misery sets in again, because elation, isn't the required look or feeling. It's not easy being a goth!*
Perhaps in future days, news may come to me, and give me cause to sorrow. Today though, when i finally sleep again. I have my shreds of comfort:
I am loved. And no-one has died.
Yet.
(Pictures By Dave McKean, btw... go see his pretty pretty film Mirrormask, if you haven't already)
23 comments :.
hola,
i love the images you used with the post.....where are they from?
i'm not familiar with them.
but,
i'm glad u are loved...
and
this line made me laugh,
"If i had been a goth, i might have been quite put out."
At least one of the pics (of the woman's face with the blank eyes)(and possibly all?) is Dave McKean, a graphic artist and soooo much more.
What's normal? I'm not sure what your dreams are telling you, but do they bring you comfort? I dreamt I burnt my wardrobe and got sacked for making baby talk whilst my husband transmogrofied into David Bowie. Stranegly enough, I know what it all signifies..
Having just lost someone close to me (expected), I'm realising after the fact how little I really knew about that person. I'm thinking there was possibly so much more I could have given them.
As you say, they were loved. And yet...
ps, Dr, there's a link from one my webpages to a really good Dave McKean site:
http://www.breakingtheangel.co.uk/davemckean.html
maybe it was not a ghost but an astral traveler. Or a spirit visiting from the other side.
Personally I think you're just a bit of a loon.
And this post hasn't changed my opinion any (ahahaha etc.)
On the other hand my washing machine took a turn for the worse this weekend, have you been carrying on with my dometic appliances ?
Apparently I can't spell domestic.
Apparently not, Mr Carl
tsk tsk!
S.
S,
Gracias for the introduction to Mr. Mckean.
and thanks Janey for the link!
hmm..morbid is the word that comes to mind. but i think it's funny that i read this on the day i finished reading a story having to do with ghosts.
hehe
maybe the ghost is a secret admirer :P
I want to see mirrormask(I've been wanting to see it for ages, but I don't think my local cinema is getting it...ohfuckingbollox!
I want to see mirrormask(I've been wanting to see it for ages, but I don't think my local cinema is getting it...ohfuckingbollox!
"I don't know who kissed me, or if it was just some vivid dream, or perhaps a premonition. I do know i felt loved. And the thought that someone had perhaps sent their dying spirit to visit Your Humbleness personally, left me feeling deeply affected."
Someone on the other side wanted to comfort you.
This entry is very touching. Makes me feel lots of emotions, but non of which I can put into words.
Nevertheless,
I send you love.
Janine
xox
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Apologies for removing your commment De.Vile
Only reason for it is that i don't give my age out on the blog.
However, i don't like to delete comments, simply because they're slagging my post. That would be dumb. Dumber than being sensitive about my age, for sure, lol... so here is your comment again, and slightly edited.
"The pictures darling are garish. Not expected to come from someone
so ancient (Last two words are mine. Sat)
The post, well, it felt like a knife poking a laughing child."
Sooo... got out of bed on the wrong side this morning, did we?
and... "knife poking a laughing child"??? Blameh!
nice post, sat. I've had similar experiences and feelings, but thos are for another time... and good to see you're still around. I was missing you.
off topic....
lips like morphine...fookin awesome
and
there was once a promise of chocolate but a chocolate drought fell upon them....
Have you seen V For Vendetta yet? ;-)
Bad sleep is terrible... you have my sympathy... it does terrible things to your mental state... but at least it can allow you to grasp hold of your dreams....
no one loves me, alive or dead.
*becomes a goth and sits in corner weeping*
chocolate! chocolate! chocolate!
Why, Sat, we all HAVE a body and we ARE a spirit. Funny thing is that everybody tries to ignore it. Being visited in the middle of the night is no more misterious than many other things, like, for example, the creation of the universe ...
Ok ok ok! i hear ya, Doc!
Chocolate on its way asap! *grin*
Janey
Thanks for the links!
AnalisaGuzman
Thanks for your comment. you've givenme new thing to think about, now.
Teufel
nothing you can do to help. none needed... but thanks anyway! yer awesome!
Star
don't i know youuu? Or mebbe not?
motormouth
Did you know you have a clone?
Janine
Thankee! xoxo
Me
heya! Jeez! this seems to have appened to so many more peeps than i thought!
Max
Noooo! i haven't! *wistful sigh* even thoug the reviews have been mixed
Starbuck
Yeah, it sucks somewhat =[
Hey, Prisoner!
We'll have none of that goth stuff here! This is a local blog! With shiny things! Er, cheer up!?!?
Woman a t w
how lovely to know you're safe and sound! I was getting a little concerned for you.
Did i miss anyone?
S.x
hello sat, thanks for your lovely words over at mine. this silly girl got a little teary, but in a nice way :)
i come back here now and then looking for an update. tonight, i reread this post and realised i had not really read it properly previously. i get that 'i feel loved' feeling whenever my grandmother visits me.
hope to see more from you soon.
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