23.4.05 | Piss Off Tony! (And Take That Fackin' Vampire With You!)

Yaay! 'tis political rant time! Anyone who can't be arsed reading about politics, can ignore the rest of this post and take the strangely accurate (for me) What Mood Are You In Quiz which i found while perusing the obviously-gorgeous Stella's Weblog. Yaay Stella!

Meanwhile... on with the bollocks!

Ah, it's election time once again in The Sceptred Isle. A time of great celebration and cheeriness (Honest!- Would i lie to you? Oh all right, yes i would.) as the "Great British Public" (laugh bitterly here) exercises its right to vote for whichever party has the biggest bribes, and is most desperate for power. And it's also a time for the Grate British Blogger (wave flag with ironic patriotism here) to take the piss somewhat. Particularly amusing to me these past couple of days, have been Scary Duck's infamous blog and Herge's er, greeny looking blog, who found his way to my comments recently. Herge is also a friend of that great british artist, Anthony Gormley... which is about as close to fame as i'll get.... Except1...

Generally speaking though, i expect that "Great British Public" will instead exercise it's right to go out and get mightily pissed in order to ignore a very limited choice and thus having to sigh themselves into a fit of deep depression over a result which verily fucks us all in the arse good and proper... again... oh, except for the rich.

I shall be voting. And here today, in a vain and desperate and (let's be frankly honest, quite pathetically inconsequential) attempt to cast some influence on these elections, i shall be saying why it won't be for that nonce, Tony or the failed undead, Michael.

But first of all, let's have a little questionnaire for the undecided's here amongst us, and see where i stand.

Props to Starbuck and Astolath, who's sites i found this on:

Who Should You Vote For?

Who should I vote for?

Your expected outcome:

Liberal Democrat

Your actual outcome:

Labour -34
Conservative -57
Liberal Democrat 90
UK Independence Party 5
Green 50

You should vote: Liberal Democrat

The LibDems take a strong stand against tax cuts and a strong one in favour of public services: they would make long-term residential care for the elderly free across the UK, and scrap university tuition fees. They are in favour of a ban on smoking in public places, but would relax laws on cannabis. They propose to change vehicle taxation to be based on usage rather than ownership.

Take the test at Who Should You Vote For

Yup. I'm Liberal. No doubt about it.

So why not vote for Tony and New Labour? Gee, less 'ave a look, shall we?

1. Dentists: As of last month, i have no fucking NHS dentist. No more free dental care... something which us Brits have been accustomed to since the fifties. This is because our so kind New Labour government has decided that they won't pay them a decent rate to treat me (Oh and everyone else, obviously... but i don't know them) Our Beloved Leader/Vicar says he's gonna get us more "But it takes time". I say, "So why not pay the current ones what they deserve, like, y'know, you used to? Problem solved!" (Answer: "Er...").

2. PFI: (Private Finance Initiative) A scheme whereby private companies are paid shitloads of taxpayers cash, at grossly inflated rates, to treat the publics health and education and transport as cheaply and shoddily as possible. Well done, Tone! We're all impressed by that.

3. Trains: Ahahahahahahahahahaha! Dear "Visitor-to-our-country" see PFI above. And don't ever travel in the U.K. by train. Don't travel by bus either, 'cause they're shite, too.

4. Iraq: The Dear Leader really would like us to forget that we were taken to war via a web of lies and gullibility. An illegal war in which thousands of people of all creeds and colour have died and still die, for the most part in horrific circumstances. God, Tony, if that'd been me, i'd've resigned there and then, done the decent thing and descended into alcoholism, drug abuse and eventual suicide. a wasted vagrant hiding under a beard on the Capitals streets.
But not you. You probably sleep completely at ease with your righteous, yet concerned, expression upon your face. Oh, and that's another thing... that same fuckin' concerned-like you -really-are-listening-man(!) expression you adopt when listening to someone voicing their grievances to you. It' sooo fuckin' fake. Fake! Stop it! After Iraq, we're just not that gullible anymore. Desperate for anyone but the Tories, yes. but not gullible. You got that? No? Yes?

5. Mental Health: Fuck right off, Tony! Your right-wing approach to disability in this country very nearly killed one of my best friends. She came very close to losing her flat, her mind and her life. And that, more than anything here, is why i will never forgive you, and forever hate you.

6. And last but not least. The BNP (A fascist party. Like the Nazis. Yup). If this government hadn't betrayed so many of its promises, the BNP would still remain on the very fringes of society, and mocked by all decent citizens. But nooo... here in my own Harle Syke, ordinary folks voted for this party in local elections out of sheer desperation with Da Government's betrayals and now we have several on our town council. It's s shame that stains this town to this very day. (Anyone wanting to protest against these ultra right-wing predators go here, here and here. Anyone living and voting in Harle Syke and Burnley, i would also urge to visit these sites. Go on. They might have pictures of cute kittens on them! Although probably not).

And now, the reason why i won't be voting for Mickey Howard: He was part of Thatch's government and is obviously a vampire and in league with the Forces of Darkness. Obvious really. Duh!

And that's all for now, o-blessed reader. Hope that wasn't too painful for ya. Rest assured, i did my best to be entertaining by juggling babies and chainsaws every minute of typing this blog


Addendum Moment Once Again: Just found a very entertaining political blog, having read about it in todays Guardian. Here it is: Chicken Yoghurt There's several excellent links on the site, too. I'm full of envy.

1 I once had a small encounter with a celeb... details... eventually...


  3:15 pm :. Blogger Herge Smith hollered thusly:

The smell of a liberal.

It's a mighty fine smell.

Good stuff, as always -

Thanks for the shout out!! I'm gonna put you as a permanent link on my blog - SO DON'T LET THE QUALITY BLOGGING SLIP!

Thanks for the advice on getting more traffic!! All the advice helps.

See ya

  3:47 pm :. Blogger my sun sets to rise again hollered thusly:

I met Dec (of Ant and Dec)once. He was with Darren Day. It was quite overwhelming (because I was with a group of girls who cared and mass-hysteria rained down)

I have that test, and that result. I just didn't post it because I'm lazy.

You know, I like travelling by train and bus. It makes me feel slightly dangerous..

  4:21 pm :. Blogger broomhilda hollered thusly:


I loved your rant.
I will not discuss politics for the obvious reason (look what we have over here!).

I wish I had a webcam, I do so love juggling.


  7:48 pm :. Blogger Michael Moore hollered thusly:

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  9:00 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Michael... i'm going to have to re-read my entire post again now... like i haven't done it at least half a dozen times already! this is true ,btw... i'm a perfectionist that way.

Nope, i'm sure i said i WON'T be voting Conservative or Labour. Unless i'm missing something that's staring me obviously in the face? I admit i did write all this at a ridiculous time of the morning...

Choosing to vote for either Michael Howard or Tony Blair is like choosing two identical shades of blue in a paint shop... only with different names. Choosing Liberal Democrat, at least gives someone NEW the chance to screw up the country.


  9:21 pm :. Blogger Herge Smith hollered thusly:

Hey Mister S,

Thanks for the kind words over at mine.

Send any bills for biscuit/ keyboard damage c/o Angry Chimp.

Not sure what Mister Moore is on about...

Mind you, as an american he is used to basically one choice, but two names.

Getting the same here...

Rest assured, I think you suggested I was Green... I am a liberal... ho ho ho...

Although i have a feeling they won't win... you may have picked that up from my posts.

Keep at it mister.

Btw, you're now a regular fixture of the link list - well done you. I'm fucking picky!

  2:28 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Ah no Herge, i was actually referring to the colour of yer blog... i was short of inspiration at the time... hmm... perhaps i shoulda said "kinda Turquoisey" instead. *grins*

Aye, and as soon as i sortout my icons for links, you and a heap of others are gonna get linked too... although if i haven't done it by the end of the month, i'll shove 'em all on, on a temporary ordinary looking measure so no-one feels hard done to... wouldn't be right to keep people waiting like that.

Hmm, speaking of waiting... i need to email a couple of peoples...

PS. MSSTRA: Ant 'n' Daz? No wayyy!
I like travelling by bus, too... so long as it's no longer than an hour.
PPS: Broomy!: but ya shoulda seen the chaos! Angry kittens everywhere! =}


  7:29 am :. Blogger Michael Moore hollered thusly:

sorry--I, apparently, cannot read. I completely omitted a "not" whilst reading. Many apologies. I did the same thing on Cece's blog--I misread "Roy" and thought it was "Cristian".

Literacy is overrated, anyway

  7:53 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Thass ok, Michael. As a person who often makes the same mistake about ooh, five times a week, i can totally empathize with where you're coming from. I am quite sure that the blogoverse is littered with similar comments i've made after misreading someones blog.

I'm actually amazed that no-ones come here ranting about it. And i think my pithy wit can often be misread, too... so no problem.

*chuckles and gives Michael a paff on shoulder*

Heh! So how are them paintings coming along? I'm so envious of you for your skill.


  6:37 am :. Blogger Star hollered thusly:

Heh, yes.. I know nothing of politics.. Much less of those over the yonder deep blue sea. :)
I tried taking the mood quiz but it wouldn't give me the answers. 'Page Not Found'. Humff.

  2:43 pm :. Blogger Janey hollered thusly:

OOOH! It let me post (thass got I got my new laptop type toy today!). You already know my politics my love, and my general disgust at the Tony's and Michael's of the world, but I was suprised to come out a shade greener than yellow on the test. As my dissertation was on 'The Great British Care Divide: Free Personal Care for the Elderly and the Politics of Devolution' (or something like that) you may guess where I sit on that debate!

God, I'm boring.


  12:23 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Iridescent? "Page Not Found?" Ono!

I check it out... *checks*

nope. works ok for me... anyone else having problems with that?

Janey!!! You made into comments again at last! Whoop!

More green than yellow, eh? Can't be a bad thing!

*HUGE hugs to yer!!!*


  6:26 am :. Blogger transience hollered thusly:

forgive me, dear. but i am grossly apolitical. i still love your writing, though. like i do your tank tops. triple yummy.

  3:02 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

THass ok, Trans. I hate talking politics too, normally. It's so dull.

But this time i really had to get some things said. See especially my reason #5. When someones politics begins to make my friends suffer, i have to do something/ everything i can. Doing nothing is not an option for me today.

Of course, one might as well command the sea to turn back for all the good it will do...



  5:58 pm :. Blogger Aberrant Templar hollered thusly:


Wait, an election where both the candidates are worthless?

Welcome to my world. The first election I was able to vote in was the Bush v. Gore election of 2000. The 2004 election was pretty crappy too.

Honestly, AL Gore and John Kerry? Anyone could out-charisma Bush. I guess I should give the Democrats credit for finding the only two people in the world who couldn't.


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