22.3.05 | Lost Loves
Her.
7:30 pm. Friday evening. Recently.
If you'd been lounging around the simply "delightful" Burnley bus station at that time, you might well have seen The Saturnyne lounging, too. It's what he does best.
Head bent. Hand resting philosophically on chin. One leg tucked under a chair, the other stretching langurously. Here is The Saturnyne deep in thought.
A shadow moves across the periphery of his vision, disturbing ever so slightly his mournful reverie. A casual glance up. An imperceptible start.
(The Saturnyne is on occasion, a master at hiding his feelings. When the occasion demands).
It's Her. She's looking a few years older. But surely it can only be Her. She still has that dancers grace. He looks cautiously. The sideways glance. Half trying to catch her eye, to perhaps gain some glimpse of recognition in her own eyes. She never meets his gaze. Perhaps never even looks in his direction. Perhaps it's not Her... for surely she would remember him. The Saturnyne is not an easy person to forget, once met. Neither does he forget those he's met also. It is both a curse and a blessing.
Or perhaps she recognizes him all too well and is ignoring him.
Either way, formalities and oaths must be kept. If conversation is to be made, it must come from her and not him. When someone has not wished to speak to you for years, their silence must be respected. It would not be... polite.
The bus arrives and the journey home is made. The Saturnyne sits in unbearable discomfort, almost within touching distance of a person he once loved enormously. No words are spoken. She gets off at the right stop. Yes, this must surely be Her.
The Saturnyne does not bow his head. He is still as stone. No emotion passes over his features.
No words are spoken. He thought he was over her. He was wrong. Even after all these years, the echoes reverberate down from the past and fall upon him like Greek Furies.
When he is quite alone, he sits on his bed awhile, eyes resting on a nothing of wall. And remembers all that was lost and can never be regained.
No words are spoken.
17 comments :.
so beautiful. i hope you can see or talk to her again... i only daydream about randomly crossing paths with my lost love one day.
i really feel the joy and pain with you on this.../
*s*
Well, dearest Stella, it's been over seven years since i last saw her.
She made her choice. And i respect that. I regret it, for i did count her amongst my closest friends... but y'know... people leave town... they begin different lives... one has to move on as best one can.
She may forget me, but i shall not her, and that must be enough.
S.x
beautiful words of love. even better than the beautiful words of spring. i think i might cry.
whenever i go back to my hometown, i am always looking out for my greatest love. ideally, i would see him, but he would not see me. he would be happy and i would know that everything is ok. i realize that when you share 7 years of your life with someone, that love may seem forgotten, however, you can so quickly be reminded that it is not. it is merely in a dormant state. it will never die.
your story is a beautiful one that i strongly identify with. thank you for sharing it.
Oh, yes. This is a very familiar pain. I wish I could buy you a drink or something.
:-/
Ah, I want to give you a big hug as well.
[ In a thoroughly manly way, of course! ;-) ]
That's amazing. I know those feelings and you described them so perfectly. Great writing and I admire your decision to stay quiet. I don't know if I could have..
aww, thanks guys!
Yr comments were muchness of appreciatied.
And i see i'm not the only one having interesting moments with lost loves/ acquaintances.
Must be the weather, as i was saying to Janey on her blog...
Ah, humans... we're a daft old race, aren't we? So impatient. So keen for perfection. Personally, i like the imperfections...
S.x
Beautiful indeed.
This is a gorgeous post.
Ho! Two new commentees in one day! Wonders will never cease!
Great blog you got there, Iridescent. Great handle, too. =]
I'll be delighted if you drop by my place again.
And PPQ! you're my very first anonymous commentee! I shall dedicate my very next post to you. Whatever it's about...
Quick hello, to Mr Teufel. It's nice to see someone sharing so many thoughts from the other side of the world. I find myself in agreement with so many of them.
Heh! Betwween you, and the ladies, Iridescent and the 3rd Daughter, i can see i'm gonna be a little busy in the near future adding links to my blog... (now if only i can get these icons working instead of words... I'm trying to alter a few blog things, y'see...)
(SYMBOLS! thass what i want! Moving Gifs! Flash! Other stuff!)
I doff my hat to you all, incidentally... inbetween mutterings...
S.x
Thanks for the compliments. -!
You wanted to know where I 'found you'- it was from a comment you made on someone's blog..It was bugging me to not remember which one so I've Searched to figure out which.
And now it's driving me crazy because I can't find it! I've looked everywhere though, and no idea. Bugger. Can't wait for your next post :)
Haw! you can't wait for it! I've been trying to post the effing pictures for it for the past zillion hours (5) But it seems "hello" doesn't like me today! The bastard!
Ha!
S.x
...It's a crap post anyway...
S.
*tips a glass of bourbon*
To lost loves!
Cheers!
Cheers back atcha A.T.!!
S.
That's some fine stuff, Santurnyne one.
You bring the sharp, half-forgotten taste of a very personal sorrow with an intensity momentarily overwhelming.
julzine
Thanks Julzine. THat's much appreciated. I hoped it might strike a chord within people, and to some extent it seems i've succeeded.
Personally, though, i think it could be better. not enough rhythm in the language...
Still... it's only a blog and not a novel
=]
S.
PS: How'd you find your way here? I'm always inquisitive about such things... it seems i'm fairly easy to google with the right words... which is kind of amusing.
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