8.12.04 | Bread and Wallpaper

God! how i love the smell of freshly baked bread! And lightly toasted freshly baked bread with generous assaults of cream cheese upon it is just... heaven! Anyway, so where was i? Oh yeah...

"...yeah i know they'll have wrinkles! just use the bloody ironing board like everyone else does fer chrissakes! Like i told you. It'll flatten them out in no time, especially if you press heavily on- YES of course you boil first! Can't you read the instructions? Boil until the meeping stops. No wonder i have a desire to murder you like a sperm whale you every time i see your squid face. Didn't you know that? I have it on good authority that your very existence is unrequitably illegal. You'd better look out 'cause the bill is on to your vapid smile. It's a crime against all that's holy.

...Right, so then once you've flattened 'em you take your nail gun and paste 'em to the wall. It'll look great. Trust me. Oh and make sure you've de-flead them."

Some Igor-like acquaintance. Wanted pictures of kittens and puppies on his walls. but i naysayed him, and suggested he use the real thing. It's a public service really. There's far too many kittens and puppies roaming around at this time of year. Bah! Cute things! Bah!

Ogoddd! didn't i say i was gonna put some hands pics up like... yesterday/last week? Yeah, i did... right. Coming up. Hands. What a fucking slacker...


  1:54 am :. Blogger B hollered thusly:

oh, i love bread! and biscuits (no, not your kind of biscuits, american breakfast biscuits)- but only homemade ones. my grandmother used to feed the family a large breakfast when we visited her in memphis. biscuits and gravy- only i don't like gravy, so she would put honey on my biscuits. devine! you might ask...a southerner who does not like gravy? impossible! and to that i say... yes, altho hard to believe, it is true. and i always knew i didn't really belong here.
i'm not going to comment on the kittens and puppies (heart...breaking...).

  2:07 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Looks like you've arrived when I'M posting for a change. Yeah!

Come back in an hour and yer might see some real bizarreness! Am halfway through requested hand shot manipulations. They'll look totally rubbish mind. But in my mind they'll be nearly as good as fresh bread eaten in a room freshly decorated with kitten and puppy...

  2:43 am :. Blogger Jessie hollered thusly:

Hiya... the much anticipated hands photos on their way, then?! Good-o, I'll anticipate some more then.

I'm trying not to imagine boiled, ironed and nail-gunned kittenpuppy gore dripping down your friend's wall...

  3:12 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Oh did i mention that you can stroke the wallpaper, too?! No? Well you can. It's very soothing. And sooo kitten soft...

um, only problem is if it starts meeping... then of course you've got to get that nailgun again...


  3:30 am :. Blogger B hollered thusly:

well, i came back to see about the hands, but i see i shouldn't have! the comment above, as well as the rest of the original story is probly going to creep its way into my dreams tonite. i don't doubt that, as i have been having strange dreams because i think i am getting sick. i've felt slightly feverish the last couple of days and i'm so tired every day. last night i had to fight just to stay awake until 9pm, and i usually go to bed after 11pm. tonight has been the same way, tho i think i'm giving up now and retiring to my cozy big bed. hope i have pleasant dreams after reading this...
(still looking forward to the hands, tho)

  4:21 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Oh dear. Poor B! Well next time, i shall try and think of pleasant things for you to have nice dreams about...

I hope it's only a minor ailment.



  12:39 pm :. Blogger B hollered thusly:

i DID have a nightmare last night...but it wasn't anything to do with your story. in the dream, C and i were invited to this huge party by an old high school friend of mine (don't know why i dreamt of her, haven't seen or heard from her since graduation! anyway...) we got there, all excited, and it turned out to be a shopping party at the world's largest GAP! We bought all these clothes, and i was totally frazzled because i could not choose between an orange and green sweater! the whole time, it was like i was out of my body, watching myself shop and wondering what was wrong with me, because in real life, i HATE the GAP! but the real me couldn't make this other weird shopping me stop buying GAP things! it was truly scary!

  2:50 pm :. Blogger Cece hollered thusly:

Firstly...you have made me VERY hungry. Somehow this eggnog shake from Jack in the Box that I am sipping on just isnt doing it for me anymore.

Secondly...as for the wall hangings. May The Milltown Cat get you for that!

  4:47 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Ah, the horrors of being trapped in a Gap advert/ shop! Truly i sympathize.

It's ok, Cece. We didn't really murder any kittens/ puppies for wallpaper.

Not deliberately, anyway...

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