30.10.04 | Conversations With My Pumpkin (Part 6: How Positive Vibes Really Work. As Revealed By The Saturnyne)
Special Halloween Conversation for your delectation and delight! On this Day of The Dead, when the year too dies (If yer still a follower of the old traditions).
So gather ye closely, good reader, but not too closely!- In case ye too suffer the terrible horrors that lurk just under the slender surface membrane of the Saturnyne's Miiiind...
"...So, yes. to answer your question, i HAVE had a terrible day, and am feeling really down. And i'm sorry for biting your head off earlier."
No you haven't just arrived in the middle of a post-slaughter cannibal apocalypse with undertones of guilty angst. It's merely a depresssed Pumpkin apologizing on the phone for having to put up with my mind-bending wit. Which if truth be told, No-one should have to apologize for. Except me of course. So Pumpkin must really be feeling low.
(Shall i try and cheer her up, gentle reader? But of course i shall!)
"Awww, mah poor Sweetie! Ahm so sorry yer 'avin' a bad day. I know!- i shall enlist the aid of some Positive Vibes and send them over to aid you in your time of crisis."
And i wait for the penny to drop, as it will shortly, once Pumpkin has had time to reflect on my words. She is very smart, you know.
Interlude: Positive Vibes As Defined In 'The Saturnyne's Handy-Dandy Tome of Ye Alle Knowledge'
Positive Vibes: Or P.V's, are tiny round creatures, measuring between 1 and 2 centimetres in diameter, predominantly a bright orange colour, but specimens have been found in shades of every colour of the visible spectrum. The colours though, are always rich and vibrant. As is their demeanour. Sometimes irritatingly so. For they are nearly always bright, cheery and breezy. This is as equally apparent in their little smiley faces, as it is in their language. Curiously, though, they are also capable of turning instantly invisible, which they will do on appropriate occasions, for though annoying at times, they are kindly generous creatures with true hearts of gold.
They communicate in high pitched squeaky voices, perhaps how one imagines cartoon mice would sound. And use a language rich in happy platitudes and/or proverbs.
Eating: P.V's will eat anything you offer them with undisguised glee. Although they are most fond of soups, and tomato soup in particular. Which they like to swim in also, bobbing around and splashing each other for hours at a time. Also using discarded cutlery as a miniature diving board.
Lifespan: The truly amazing thing about P.V's is that they're totally indestructible and have a lifespan of millions of years, even without tomato soup. It has yet to be ascertained how they breed, or indeed, if they breed at all. (WARNING FOR SOUP LOVERS: Check yer soup beforehand, when consuming in areas frequented by Positive Vibes, as accidentally swallowing any can lead to sleepless nights, due to them holding parties and frolicking in yer stomach, which to them, is like a big indie disco. Eventually, though, they get bored and leave, finally allowing you a pleasant night's sleep, uninterrupted by squeaky singing and Dinosaur Jr songs etc.)
Habitat: So far, the only known sightings have been in the vicinity of The Saturnyne, whom they regard as their bestest friend and ally and also "Tomato Soup Provider Supreme." Occasionally though, he asks them to undertake missions to the unhappy and sad and despondent of the world... Where they arrive with a cheeky knock on the door, before bouncing playfully between the legs of the door opener and into the nearest kitchen, where they enquire after the possibility of soup (tomato first) in their squeaky voices.
"Oh thank you Pleb-Boy. You're so very sweet someti- Wait a minute! What do you mean by "enlist the aid of"???"
So i tell her.
And she laughs.