22.7.04 | Sweeties! (and Perhaps Black Holes, and Tricycles, and Paper Clips. PLUS: why Janey's PC is such a spanner)
Ahh, gentle reader. I have returned. Did you miss me? My wit, wisdom and pithy comments? The fabulous swearing and conversations with assorted fruits and vegetables?
Eh? What do ye mean?- "it's only been a few days"? But surely you must have had a few pangs of sorrow at my absence?! Well, I say! Steady on! A Saturnyne could get quite hurt by such... ambivalence.
Soo, Black Holes, eh? Saw the film. Great for scaring small children. Well done, Disney! (And BTW, Disney! You haven't yet replied to my ideas for modern reworkings of some of your classics. Surely you can see the 'Hit' potential in a rapping baby reindeer with a chainsaw? In a war-torn Vietnam? "Bambi Apocalypse" would be massive!) Although it's got me wondering, while we can't actually see the hole itself, as it absorbs everything, and not even light can escape it's dreadful hunger... can we see all the yummy matter it's gonna be noshing on, swirling into it? I presume so (Mr Carl feel free to share your wisdom on this)... and if that's true does it really swirl around the Hole like water about to go down the plug hole? and if that's true... which direction does it swirl? Because water (On our lovely little globey) swirls in opposite directions, depending on which side of the Equator you're standing... Sooo does the Universe have an Equator? And are there any funky alien ceremonies when the little green men cross over it? Like we do with ours.
I happened to be watching Stephen Hawking the other day, on the subject of Black Holes. He said: I wouldn't want to get too near to one. I might fall in..." I guess Mr Hawking won't be moonlighting on the standup circuit any time soon...
...wouldn't it be hideously amusing, if one day soon he just stood up and got out of his wheelchair, and admitted he'd been taking the piss all these years? Y'know, just having a bit of a laugh. You'd have to worship the man. You would!
Going back to Black Holes, i must admit, i was a regular little sweetie purchaser in my childhood, and seeing as that's the topic chosen for this blog by the Queen of Darkness, Janey...
I come from a working class family; father worked down the pit part of his life, mother in a village bakery, then both on the factory lines until their retirement... Godbless... and utter, utter boredom...
Anyway... we weren't well off... and sweeties and crisps were a bit of a luxury. Fortunately i had a brilliant middle-class Christian friend called Michael who believed in sharing and buying sweeties for the both of us! Yaay! (I only hope i thanked him at the time). AND i learnt a valuable religious lesson there as well: Christians = not complete wankers! Phew!
looking at the above link, i see some of the old faves are still available, like flying saucers and sherbet fountains I can almost feel my teeth melting at the mere thought of 'em.
It's a pity about the old "corner" shops that used to sell these things. THere's none of these strange, cosy little places left around here now, with their pleasant, musty smells and dark mysterious corners and jars and jars of wonders along the back walls... it was a thrill to go into them... just to gaze.
Alas then, for the past. As we welcome... the marvels of such achievements as the internet, etcetera, we have... lost also. There used to be dozens and dozens of small shops lining the roads here in Harle Syke, now we have... perhaps half a dozen... and one of them is a mini-supermarket, so i don't think that counts. But perhaps with the demise of petrol, in several days time, these things may return...
I used to have a tricycle, too, as a kid. Big red one! It was like, the Ferrari tricycle of it's day, and i was the envy of other small childs for streets around!
Sooo, that just leaves paperclips and Janey's computer problem. Right...
Paperclips: Never used them much.
Janey's pc: Doctor Saturnyne says: The most likely problem with your pc, Janey is that you probably aren't saying enough nice things to it, and petting it as it reaches old age (Which in current pc terms usually means at about six months... i wonder what that is in dog years...) You could of course reprogram it with an axe. You'll never have to worry about it working ever again after that, because of course it won't.
Of course, it may be that this is a recent problem, in which case, the problem might be me... for some reason, and i have several friends who can vouch this, computers and other electrical appliances seem to be scared of Yours Truly, and go into a panic shutdown whenever i am near... it might possibly be that yr pc is aware of me and that yr communicating with me, and feels threatened... to remedy this situation i suggest calling me "Geoff- The God of Deckchairs" or something similar to confuse it. That should do the trick.
Eg: (in loud voice) "Ooh! I think i'll just email Geoff- The God Of Deckchairs now".
WEll, that's everything. Job done. I sit back and smugly have a virtual fag now. No,not not one of those, you pervert. I wouldn't have a clue as to what to do with one of those. Make cups of tea for guests, i s'pose. Or knitting.
more later, sweethearts.