2.7.04 | Head...



...ACHE! ArghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

The day gets off to a bad start, when i'm eating cornflakes for my breakfast. Myyomm-nyommm-nyomchomp-crackkk!
"crackkk?????"

Wow!- That's a very hard piece of cornflake!
Uh-oh!
Gingerly i send my tongue out on a search party, to probe for any survivors.
Uh-oh!
My tongue returns to inform me, in a somewhat bloodied (Yet touchingly heroic) state, that there's suddenly a very sharp object in my mouth.
And there seems to be pain.
(God!- Not pain! Not painnnn. not "toooth painnnn". I just want to have a happy untroubled life, being at one with nature, the birds and beasts eating untroubled from my hand. The other will probably be alternating between holding a bottle of nice red wine... or white mixed with creme de cassis so it doesn't taste shit.... and a good book... probably written by James Branch Cabell or the hillarious Steve Aylett. The odd butterfly, landing on my shoulder... ahhh... bliss... singing little songs... lalala la la, la-la... oh well... back to the real world...)
Fearing the worst, i reach for the mirror, which i always keep to hand, just to remind how very beautiful i am... oh all right i trudge to the bathroom like everyone else probably does.
It's not pretty. My rear molar has cracked. A large piece of the enamel coating has somehow broken right off... revealing the softer stuff beneath it. Also leaving the remaining enamel with a viciously razor sharp edge... which my tongue keeps playing chicken with.
OUchy! Not Toothy pain AND tonguey pain!
Melodramatically i go into shock. This will ruin my stunning good looks and charming smile forever.
I.
Will.
Be.
Unkissable.

Noooooooooooooooooo!
For the rest!
Of my life!

Nooooooooooooooooooo-etc.-ooooooooooooooooo!

And i loove kissing! I'd snog a badger if it looked at me so much as coquettishly!
All that yummy, sexy saliva will be lost now.
Like tears in the rain.
(Sorry for the Blade Runner parody there. Couldn't resist).
How will i explain to all the beautiful mademoiselles... that i am... maimed? Mebbe forever?

Oops! Got a little bit carried away there. Ok. NOW we're back in the real world.
So.
Ring dentist. Actually, that should be: Ring pathetic excuse for a dentist.

I have to wait until Monday.

Noooooooooooo-moreofthesame-ooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

I might be dead by then!
(I should point out here to any women/ladies/femmes/other-nouns who have been kind enough to read this blog, that men are contractually obliged to become whimpering jelly-type-things at even the slightest contact with pain. Even imagined pain. It's probably something to do with never having to endure the cosy pleasures of childbirth. I dunno).

AND this stress has now given moi a migraine! poor pathetic creature that i am. Hence the title of this blog, and the all-consuming pain i must endure to bring you my wisdom. (Stop laughing, back there!)

Right, well i'm off to write my will. Love to you all. Perhaps we can meet again in happier times. *sob* (Waves hankie tearfully)

Just joking. I'll be right back with more of my iconoclastic views later.

("Did he just say 'Iconoclastic', then"?
"I thinks so, yeah"
"Strange... d'you think he knows what it means"?
"Probably not".)

15 comments :.

  6:08 pm :. Blogger Janey hollered thusly:

Ouch! My dear boy, however will you cope with this great pain inflicted upon your delicate and most illuminating of mouth pieces...

I suffered a similar fate at the hands of a choc chip cookie recently, made the appointment of pain, trolled up to be told that my dentist had had just thrown himself of the Tyne Bridge (this is all true...). Needless to say the thought of hitting cold concrete quickly aleiviated (how DO you spell that?) the pain, and I was eventually attended to 3 months later, having spent the time agonising over my snaggle tooth and lack of loveliness.

I found copious amounts of red wine help numb the pain? And despite advancing age, I'm sure that you are still truely desirable my dear!


  6:13 pm :. Blogger Janey hollered thusly:

ok, ok, I've read many a strange fetish / obesession on profiles but....digestive systems??! Explain please!

And can I just take this moment to compliment your excellent taste in literature (with the exception of Mil Millington!).


  9:16 pm :. Blogger Janey hollered thusly:

*** and with wine soaked lips she leaned forward to bless the man who lay in supplication before her, not even she oblivious to the fey charm of the corn flake snaggler that gave willingly to the errant tooth fairy....

and with that I'll go and let others comment on your blog!


  5:22 am :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Y'know, i think that's some of the nicest things said to me in ages. At least, that i haven't paid for.
I think i shall swoon forevah! The Eternal Swoon!
(I wonder if that would feel like one big rollercoaster drop?)
So did your dentist spot you coming, then? Hum-hum... makes me wanna write a song about it: "The Sudden Deceleration Trauma Dentist", would be an apt title.

AND you like red wine! (more swooning)
AND ch-ch-ch-chocolatte! (WE're gonna swoon like we've nevah swooned before!- Oh hang on... what kind of chocolate? Nothin' doin' unless you have at least a tiny appreciation of the... Dark Side... mmm... Darth Chocolate...

I see you spotted the digestive system thing... lol, well i'll explain in good time. Good job i took Lion-Taming off the list. AND badger-baiting- to wit: "OI badger! Do you know who your mum is? All the other woodland animals laugh at you behind your back!... Yes, even the moles!"

And so on...

BTW way, while i trawled through lotsa other peoples blogs, who shared similar interests, i got drawn towards yours cos you were the only other person who like William Horwood.

I should like to add here, that every blog i've posted on so far has given a very fabulous response in return. AND they've all been really cool blogs to read... and so very different from each other, too.

One thing i've just realized though. So far i haven't found any cool blogs run by guys (Unless we're all faking our id's lol). There must be some, surely? Or maybe i just find women's writing more interesting generally... perhaps the guys all like to talk about shooting things and games and porn? And sport. Bollocks to that! The most i can manage to say on any sporting topic is about three sentences! They usually go: Great game/run/other athletic crap. Wasn't it a Good/bad performance by whoever... and i can't think of another one.. so that's TWO! TWO!!!!

I'm going to bed now. blehhh. teeeth...


  6:50 pm :. Blogger Carl hollered thusly:

Personally I think its divine retribution over you bugging God for £600 last week. That'll teach you.


  10:05 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Blehh! I don't care anymore. I'VE got chocolate 'n' wine flavoured people "blessing me" instead.
(smugsmugsmug)
(THat's smugsmugsmug in the style of that old cartoon character who hugs themselves and practically floats off the ground going "Mmm-mmm! Mmm-mmmm-mmm!")
(Any idea which one that might be?- O' cartoon guru?)


  9:32 pm :. Blogger Carl hollered thusly:

Alright so you're doing Muttley impressions, don't think that's going to save you.

For as it is written in the book of St. Herman (somewhere in the middle) :

"Yeah though the lord is merciful yet will he not listen to the crys of the people ? And lo he said unto them "Yes, but don't go bugging me for money because we're on a budget here, if I get one more scrounging git coming round here I'll make all their teeth fall out.""

That's why Big Issue sellers have terrible oral hygiene.

On the subject of online blogs/journals :

Megatokyo - http://www.megatokyo.com/index.php?strip_id=579


  4:04 pm :. Blogger Janey hollered thusly:

I have a mole fetish. And I'm partial to a fit wolf...


  5:53 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

???!!!???


  1:23 pm :. Blogger Janey hollered thusly:

William Horwood m'dear...

Slightly moley-orientated


  3:40 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Mmm moles!
Steyn rix in thine herte, marvellous miss...

Y'know, i wish he'd finished it with the third book. I was disappointed with the later one's.

The Stonor Eagles is a beaut, too.

...and the wolf bit? :)


  5:07 pm :. Blogger Janey hollered thusly:

Take me to Bablock Hythe now baby!

'The wolves of time' by Wm Horwood - fab!


  4:48 am :. Blogger Princess Potty Mouth hollered thusly:

Carl is right you shouldn't ask for things from god that you shoudl try and do your self, god supposedly helps those who help themselves tight.... Meh this is boring..... SAVE A PENGUIN


  3:59 pm :. Blogger The Saturnyne hollered thusly:

Carl (Pedantic is my middle name) is right?!?!?! You can't say that!!! HE'll be insufferable now! (AS if he wasn't already. lolol)

Still, as far as suffering goes, i'm sure he could tell you a thing or two about pleasures to be found in my company. :} (Cya this weekend Carl. Prepare to suffer).

And of course i'd never seriously pray to God fer money. Actually my prayers mighta bin answered the other day... won £20 on the lottery, according to my folks... i think i heard deity like laughter somewhere...


  4:14 pm :. Blogger Woman at the well hollered thusly:

Dear saturnyne


you´re a good example of the fact that what is good is good and that´s it. We have nothing in common, I suppose, But i love what you write.


Woman in the well



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