2.7.04 | Head...
The day gets off to a bad start, when i'm eating cornflakes for my breakfast. Myyomm-nyommm-nyomchomp-crackkk!
Wow!- That's a very hard piece of cornflake!
Gingerly i send my tongue out on a search party, to probe for any survivors.
My tongue returns to inform me, in a somewhat bloodied (Yet touchingly heroic) state, that there's suddenly a very sharp object in my mouth.
And there seems to be pain.
(God!- Not pain! Not painnnn. not "toooth painnnn". I just want to have a happy untroubled life, being at one with nature, the birds and beasts eating untroubled from my hand. The other will probably be alternating between holding a bottle of nice red wine... or white mixed with creme de cassis so it doesn't taste shit.... and a good book... probably written by James Branch Cabell or the hillarious Steve Aylett. The odd butterfly, landing on my shoulder... ahhh... bliss... singing little songs... lalala la la, la-la... oh well... back to the real world...)
Fearing the worst, i reach for the mirror, which i always keep to hand, just to remind how very beautiful i am... oh all right i trudge to the bathroom like everyone else probably does.
It's not pretty. My rear molar has cracked. A large piece of the enamel coating has somehow broken right off... revealing the softer stuff beneath it. Also leaving the remaining enamel with a viciously razor sharp edge... which my tongue keeps playing chicken with.
OUchy! Not Toothy pain AND tonguey pain!
Melodramatically i go into shock. This will ruin my stunning good looks and charming smile forever.
For the rest!
Of my life!
And i loove kissing! I'd snog a badger if it looked at me so much as coquettishly!
All that yummy, sexy saliva will be lost now.
Like tears in the rain.
(Sorry for the Blade Runner parody there. Couldn't resist).
How will i explain to all the beautiful mademoiselles... that i am... maimed? Mebbe forever?
Oops! Got a little bit carried away there. Ok. NOW we're back in the real world.
Ring dentist. Actually, that should be: Ring pathetic excuse for a dentist.
I have to wait until Monday.
I might be dead by then!
(I should point out here to any women/ladies/femmes/other-nouns who have been kind enough to read this blog, that men are contractually obliged to become whimpering jelly-type-things at even the slightest contact with pain. Even imagined pain. It's probably something to do with never having to endure the cosy pleasures of childbirth. I dunno).
AND this stress has now given moi a migraine! poor pathetic creature that i am. Hence the title of this blog, and the all-consuming pain i must endure to bring you my wisdom. (Stop laughing, back there!)
Right, well i'm off to write my will. Love to you all. Perhaps we can meet again in happier times. *sob* (Waves hankie tearfully)
Just joking. I'll be right back with more of my iconoclastic views later.
("Did he just say 'Iconoclastic', then"?
"I thinks so, yeah"
"Strange... d'you think he knows what it means"?