12.6.04 | The Saturnyne has an idea for childrens telly!
English readers may remember Gordon the Gopher, Basil Brush, Sooty, Bodger and Badger(My favourite! So esoteric and deep. No i'm not joking), and people the world over know about the puppets on Sesame Street.
Well i think it's time Childrens telly was upgraded, updated and, er, upholstered... So i'm proud to present: My New Idea... read on (With apologies to mah Pumpkin, and any other fruits/vegetables who know me well...
A brightly coloured television studio. Wacky slogans daubed cheerfully across the walls. Funky camera angles.
Action: The camera pans jauntily towards one (Or maybe two if we can get 'em) of those vacant-headed youthful looking television presenters, rictus-grin fixed permanently upon their faces, wearing the kind of trendy clothes that beg you accesorize with a viciously bladed instrument. But we'll come to that in a moment...
The presenter is lying on a dining table, huge amounts of blood are flowing freely over the edges and pooling heavily on the floor beneath. (This is last weeks presenter, incidentally) They've still got that grin, of course... it's genetic, you see...
The width of the grin is matched only by the massive gaping wound in the chest cavity... cue announcer...
"And now childs, it's time forrrr... LIVVY THE LIVER!!!"
(Cue banging music)
Youthful presenter appears, to rounds of applause and squeals of delight from the pre-pubescent studio audience. looking nervous (but still smiling) the youthful presenter reaches tentatively into the gaping chest wound. (Funky squelching noises as he roots around for a painfully long time). Then pulls out a genuine human liver! Dripping with good, wholesome blood! Yaay!
presenter: "Hello Livvy!" (desperately trying to be funky)
presenter:(voice quavering) "And what have we got lined up for the children today, Livvy!?!"
presenter: "Uhh- surprise vivisection, you say?!?"
and so on... How could it not be a success?!?! The kids will love it! The adults will love it! THe psychiatrists will love it!