27.6.04 | Does God Exist? (the results)
Well, i haven't thus far been receiving of six hunnerd squids, yet, but i'm sorry to say that i've been rather lax of my experimenting (ie: praying). So... the results have been inconclusive... except for one thing... which i'll come to in a moment...
Instead, i've been doing rather a lot of cursing. Especially at my pc's, which really really like to crash. Fuck! Soo... the new one has just cost me, erm, the six hunnerd squids (Or "Ouches" if you prefer) in repairs which i really really should have been doing that praying for... Of course, it might have not cost me anything, if i hadn't been in such a hedonistic rush for excitement in the first place (But that's another story).
THank God (Bah!- Do i have to?!), that i can laugh about it (Bitterly and through the tears. Hah!) instead. It's true! I really am laughing about it... look!- hahahaha-hah! See?
So anyway, a conclusion (of sorts):
Being a practising Christian, or even a practising Muslim, Jew, Buddhist or anything else i've blithely missed... requires a great deal of effort methinks. And whatever your faith or non-faith, it deserves your respect. And, as for believing in God/Allah/Jehovah... it probably sounds silly to say this, but it requires a great deal of, well... faith... A believer, so it seems to me, puts a lot of effort into all this... for what appears to be very little feedback.
I want to believe in God, these days. I know i used to (Not in a going-to-church way), but i look around me today, and i see people suffering, and a planet being ravaged and poisoned, and terrible cruelty, sometimes done in His name, and i wonder; where is He in all this? And i also see great acts of bravery and kindness in the most terrible of circumstances, and sometimes, yes sometimes, i think i can see Him at work in these (often) most humble of people. And for a moment i have hope of a better, kinder, stronger, freer world...
But the bad things keep happening. How long have we humans been around, now? From early savages to, well... we're still savages, aren't we? We may be more technologically advanced, but that just means we can do more damage more quickly... more efficiently... There doesn't seem to be any purpose to humanity...
Dear God, how are you? i know you don't mind me having doubts about you (After all, didn't many saints, and even your own son, occasionally), but i rather think we need you in a more direct manner now, before all this gets out of hand and we destroy everything on the planet... including ourselves... 2000 years ago your son really caused quite a stir... i hear that he's due to make a return trip at some point... perhaps that could be your new Genesis? To be honest, though, i'd happily settle for a burning bush or something in the meantime... y'know, just to set the mood?
In fact a sign, of any kind will do for me, so long as i recognize it as such. In return... well all i have is me... a poor return, i'm sure... but my loyalty would certainly be unwavering... i'm like that... even if i grumble a lot...
PS. No offence intended to anyone of religious persuasion who happens 'pon my blog.
PPS. Next up: more on squirrels again! Yaay!