7.6.04 | Conversations With My Pumpkin (pt1 If Saturnyne Was a Dentist...)
So there i was, happily dwelling on the thought of another return to my dentist, chatting with grim cheeriness to my Pumpkin.
"I hate my teeth, why do they pain me so? What'd i ever do to them, eh?! It's not as if i don't treat them nicely, brush them every day and such... and wisdom teeth- were they designed by the gods simply to make MY life a misery?" (Yeah, it's mememe all the way)
"Why can't our scientists invent teeth that are genetically modified to screw out... y'know, so you can replace them with nice friendly teeth?" (BTW, do speech marks come before or after the full stops?)
Pumpkin smiles with pained yet polite expression. This conversation (or more a monologue of moaning) has been going on for some small while, now, and Pumpkin knows, from past experience where these conversations might lead...
"It wouldn't work. Your teeth wouldn't have enough room to twist around- they'd catch on your other teeth"
"Well okay, what about teeth with levers, then?"
"If you don't shut up about your teeth, i'll make sure you won't ever have to worry about them ever, ever again, 'cause i will have smashed them all out with an exceedingly large hammer!"
"...yeah, and then my teeth would need little airbags, to cushion the impact. Or little parachutes, so they can float gently to earth, as you knock them lovingly out..." Excitedly i start drawing little diagrams on a napkin. (Actually it was a notepad, but you always hear about the geniuses of the world doodling their bluprints for atomic bombs and theories of gravity on little napkins in restaurants. So napkins sound more. Glamorous.) AS i do so i make eager proclamations of how i will revolutionize dentistry. Perhaps ageing and decrepit Hollywood Stars will be my customers? After all they need something to spend their fortunes on...
...Meanwhile, Pumpkin smiles politely and forcedly. Then goes to retrieve the hammer seen earlier in a kitchen drawer...