28.9.12 |
(prayer)
Hello Sir.
Thank you for the many kind people in my life and the happinesses i've had at times and for a best friend who i love dearly, yet feel a burden and a weight to at times. I often ask myself, by the way "am I the best she can do? Really?" and wonder if you could perhaps send someone better her way?). but i was wondering if you could do me one small favour. I am deeply troubled by another.... You see I miss the girl. How foolish. Foolish. Foolish. Foolish. But i miss her. Out of all my friends she was the only one who sat and talked with him at length after his stroke, and he liked that. I think he liked her too at the time. I dread to think what he'd say about the mess that happened since. But i still remember looking at him smiling and chatting away to this girl. That made me happy.
There is nothing to be done. no-one to be saved. No-one to be understood. No love to be found. Just blind misunderstanding. I've been so angry at her words, for months and i cannot stand it. I hate every part of myself for feeling like this. Anger is so wrong for me.. I am lost and bewildered. It's like a knife torn quickly across the mind and it bleeds and bleeds and bleeds. I ache to be done with it all. My body is weary. My mind is weary. Let me go. Let it all end.
amen.
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